


They Begin Again

by MyCatSmokey07



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Attraction, Awkwardness, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, Lemon, Lust, Magic, Potions, Potions Class, Reader-Insert, Relationship(s), Smut, Strong Female Characters, professor romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 10:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12957444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyCatSmokey07/pseuds/MyCatSmokey07
Summary: It’s a new year. It’s also a new chance for you to start over. Becoming a professor at Hogwarts might be the best thing that ever happened to you. But, when the most unfeeling and seemingly uncaring professor Snape catches your eye, you try your best to focus on yourself. It seems like every other unwanted guy is attracted to you.. why is this one so indifferent? Something is bothering and distracting him though?  I guess at least trying to get close to him wouldn’t get you in too much trouble. Would it?





	1. A Fresh Start

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I will mention a few things like the hometown and other specificities about the character just so I can give the story a bit more depth. Obviously, please feel free to pretend it says wherever you’re from, or however you look. Like i.e. if I say she has brown hair and your hair is blonde just pretend it doesn’t say brown! Thanks guys! Hope you enjoy :)

“Ok! So today’s the day! After all this! You’re finally here.” It was such a long trip from America and all you wanted to do was rest for just a few more days. But, unfortunately, there wasn’t any time. You were invited personally by the Greatest Wizard of all time, to be a professor at Hogwarts! Yes, you!! You stared at your self in the mirror, hands on the dresser in front of you, and quickly realized you were quivering slightly. You weren’t quite sure if it was from excitement or nerves. You shook your head and made eye contact with yourself in the mirror, “Alright Y/N! This is the chance of a lifetime! You’re young, you’re smart, and you are SO ready for this! Today is about new beginnings, the past will stay home in North Carolina. My only advice to you? Don’t fuck this up!” Turning away from the mirror on the wall you put your hand to your face. “I wonder if anyone else is this lame?” You laughed it off, feeling better now that you had sort of hyped yourself up. You looked towards your bedside table and saw the piece of parchment laying there. Walking over to pick it up you sat on your bed and read the letter again. After reading it about a million times you still couldn’t believe it! 

“My Dear Y/N (first and last),

We here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry are pleased to extend to you a most honorable invention. We have heard highly of your accomplishments and merit at such a young age from other witches and wizards in your surrounding area. We find that with your knowledge of the Muggle world and your love for all things magical it would benefit our school, as well as yourself, to be our new Muggle Studies professor. Please think about this opportunity and respond to us through owl post as soon as you possibly can. We would like you to start at the beginning of the next school year. We believe that you would be a great asset to our teaching staff. 

Respectfully,  
Professor Albus Dumbledore”

How was this even real life? Thinking back, you didn’t remember having that many witches or wizards around your hometown. Maybe they were in hiding? No, that doesn’t make any sense. They only hid there true selves from Muggles not young/young adult witches. Granted I am a half-blood myself. This is all a bit confusing. But, soon I will be in the presence of Professor Dumbledore myself. From what I’ve heard he seems like a genuinely kind hearted person. I’m sure he’ll clear up any questions I have when I arrive later this evening. 

Now, feeling extra confident, you grabbed your bags from beside your bed, put your shoes on and gave yourself one last big smile towards the mirror “thanks for your help!” You gave yourself finger guns and a little wink and then rolled your eyes and laughed at yourself again “You’re such a dork!” Calling lightly for the large cat who had been perched patiently on the windowsill you opened the door to the hall and walked casually down the stairs. After thanking Madam Rosmerta gratefully for her wonderful hospitality and accommodations, you exited the Three Broomsticks Inn. 

Stepping out into the bright, afternoon light, you took a deep breath in through your nose and smiled, realizing that it even smelt like magic here. “I didn’t even know that was possible” you laughed to the grey puff of cat sitting next to your feet. “I think we’re finally ready to complete the last leg of our journey to Hogwarts, Smokey. What do you think little one?” The cat meowed up at you, almost seeming to smile. You smiled back, and the two of you set off for Hogwarts.


	2. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don’t know if I’m actually even any good at writing. But for some reason I’ve had this idea for this story in my head and I figured I’d put it online cause why not! If you have any feed back let me know! Good or bad I’ll take it!

Once you had finally arrived at the castle it was late into the evening. You noticed that the large building almost completely blended into the dark sky behind it. You still couldn’t believe that this was happening. As you began to walk the steps of the palace your excitement rose. About halfway through the climb you looked up from your feet to the top of the stairs and noticed a tall figure standing there. Unmistakable. It was Albus Dumbledore. His long white beard, weathered face and kind smile set him apart from other wizards. You smiled back at him and as you came closer to him you realized there was a small twinkle in his eye. “He may be old,” you thought to yourself “but he still looks like he might have some spring in his step!” Finally, you reached the top of the stairs and without thinking or hesitating you thrust your hand towards him! “Hello Professor Dumbledore! It’s so nice to finally meet you! I am absolutely ecstatic to be here! Thank you so much for this opportunity! I will do my best to make sure that I’m nothing short of perfect for this position!” You rambled on, thanking him over and over while you shook his hand vigorously. You wondered if he could tell that you were faking confidence. Despite your friendly exterior, the nerves and anxiety inside were making you feel a bit sick. Dumbledore laughed and slowly raised his hand in an effort to quiet you. Quickly, you stopped talking and felt your face flush a little. Why did you always talk yourself into a hole? Dumbledore didn’t seem to mind as he welcomed you to the castle, put his hand gently on your shoulder and turned you towards the entrance door. 

Walking into the entrance was like walking into the scene of a movie! Everything was perfect and pristine, even for an old building! The architecture on the inside of the building was just as gorgeous as it was on the outside! Your one and only issue was that the castle was so dark. You, as an optimistic and positive person, typically liked to surround yourself with light and bright things. “But, no matter,” you thought to yourself “This will be my new home!” You stood for a minute in admiration “Nothing.” You said in awe. Dumbledore gave you a confused expression. “I’m sorry!” You said, “I mean that I’ve never seen a more magical and beautiful building before. There’s nothing like this in America. Or at least not that I know of.” The school where you had learned about witchcraft and wizardry in the United States was, to be honest, tiny. Most schools were spread out throughout the country and none were as large as Hogwarts, not even close. You had two maybe three professors at your school, if you were lucky. “Would you like to see it?” Dumbledore asked. “The rest of the castle that is? I will gladly give you a tour personally.” You nodded your head excitedly and Dumbledore looked pleased as he made his way off down the hall, beckoning for you to follow. You did as you were instructed. “Before we begin a full tour of the castle please let me take you to your room, where you may drop off your bags.” You gave a him a thankful look. Your arms were already starting to hurt a bit from them. 

As soon as Dumbledore had opened the door to your room you dropped your bags onto the floor. You gaped at the enormity of this room and immediately thought that he must have been joking. You turned around and asked “this isn’t for me, is it?” He smiled gently and you realized that his answer was yes. “Oh, sir” you said, in a respectful manner. “I appreciate the thought, but this room is huge! Is there anything a little smaller? After all it’s only me and the little one” you said, gesturing towards that cat that had made herself comfortable atop one of your bags. Dumbledore looked at you for a moment before speaking. “Are you sure?” He said, “this is the standard size for a professor. Plus your office is right across the hall.” You nodded your head almost pleadingly. “I’m sure” you responded. You’ve never had this much space to yourself and honestly you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do with it. Dumbledore picked up your bags for you, Smokey sitting perfectly balanced on the one in his right hand. He began in a kind voice, “I think I have the perfect one for you then!” You followed him to another room where he opened the door to a smaller, less luxurious room. However, there were four large floor to ceiling windows. Two on each side. Even in the dark you could tell that this one was already brighter than the other room and most of the castle so far. “It’s perfect!”

As you and Dumbledore walked the castle you tried to memorize every little path and every room that you possibly could. You were an incredibly smart young woman but when it came to your whereabouts you were a bit directionally challenged. He showed you as much as he could giving the late hour that it was. He started in the great hall and then moved on to classrooms, student dormitories, professors offices, the library, and the hospital wing. As soon as we walked into this last room you noticed an older lady running around making beds. She was no doubt getting ready for the school year to start. “Good evening Madam Pomfrey” Dumbledore called to her. She looked up from the bed she was making and smiled at him. Her eyes then drifted down to yourself. “Oh! Is this her?” She exclaimed. “Is this our new young and brilliant professor?” Madam Pomfrey made her way around the bed and came towards you, her arms outstretched. When she reached you she gave you a hug and said “We’re all so excited that you’re here. If you ever need any medical assistance, I’m always here!” You hugged her back for a second and thanked her. Dumbledore asked Madam Pomfrey to get the rest of the professors together and meet you and himself in a half hour in the great hall. She nodded quickly to Dumbledore and then walked off out of the room. He then turned to you and spoke “I think that you should go wash up a bit before we all meet in the great hall.” You agreed. The journey to Hogwarts was long and now that you thought about it you felt pretty gross. 

After you had showered and went through your nighttime routine, you put new clothes on and made your way towards the great hall. Walking the way you had come from should be easy enough. Right? You continued walking down the long corridor as it seemed to get darker with every step. You pulled out your wand “Lumos.” The end of the wand brightened but you stood confused. This place didn’t look familiar at all. You turned around and walked all the way back to your room. You tried again. Walking down the corridor next to the one you had tried initially, but, somehow, you were back in the same place. “Ok?” You thought you went down a different path? “Let’s try this one more time.” You turned back to your room and tried a third path which then brought you to a dead end. “What in Merlin’s Beard is going on?!” At this point you were quite annoyed. You knew you were already very late. You were supposed to be in the great hall at least 20 or 30 minutes ago. Maybe you could run back to your room jump out one of the windows and then run around to the front of the castle? “That’s ridiculous.” You said to yourself. As you turned around to head back to your room for the fourth time you heard footsteps in the distance. A savior! You began to walk towards the footsteps, wand outstretched. The footsteps became a bit clearer and louder as you continued walking and you could tell that they were coming towards you. Another small light was at the other end of the corridor and as you drew nearer to the light and the footsteps you began to make out what seemed like another person. A man. With dark hair. Tall. Lit wand in hand. Wearing all black. Crooked features. Suddenly the two of you stopped. Standing face to face you could tell he wasn’t happy. The light from the wands casting weird shadows over his face. Was his nose really crooked or was it the light playing tricks on you? The man spoke “I expect you are the new professor.” He said annoyedly as more of a statement then a question. Before you could respond he quickly whirled around, cape flying around him and began to walk back the way he came. “You’d expect someone whose supposedly so brilliant to at least be able to walk in a straight line.” He said degradingly. At this statement you went from being annoyed to straight up pissed off. “Excuse me?!” You said in a voice that was raised a bit more than you would’ve liked it to be. “Not everyone has been here for years! And if you’d be dumb enough to think that I’d find my way there.. In a magical castle.. On my very first night.. Then you’re just as idiotic as I am, aren’t you!” He stopped and turned around abruptly. Staring at you, his eyes flared like fire and seemed as if they could bore a hole straight through you. You were not about to take this guys rude introduction, but you also thought that starting a fight with this him wouldn’t help your situation. In a slightly nicer voice you said, “Now that I have your attention.. you can escort me to the great hall.” The man, obviously extremely angry, opened his mouth to say something. But you added quickly, “Without your condescending attitude thank you.” 

When you finally reached the great hall it was passed midnight and Dumbledore made introductions quick and easy. The man who had so rudely rescued you was introduced as Professor Severus Snap. Then you met Professor McGonagall. Professor Filius Flitwick. The Hogwarts caretaker Argus Filch. The groundskeeper Rubeus Hagrid. And a few others. Professor Sybill Trelawney was the last person you met. “I think this one has a screw loose somewhere.” You thought to yourself. 

As the staff began to leave the great hall you saw Professor Snape staring at you intently. You did feel badly for the way you had pretty much yelled at him. You left your spot next to Dumbledore and walked over to Snape. He stood rigid waiting for you to get to him. You couldn’t help but notice that without the light from a wand throwing long, ugly shadows over his face, he was actually quite attractive. His nose was still crooked but not as bad as you had initially thought. “I’m awfully sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier,” you said as you drew nearer to him. “It was very rude of me and it was definitely not the way to go about giving a good first impression.” Snap stood staring at you, jaw clenched. Obviously he’s still pissed that you had yelled at him. You got the feeling that people didn’t normally talk to him like that. “Well, if you ever get bored of people talking to you like they’re scared of you, you can always come to me and I’ll give you a good yelling again!” You tried jokingly. He didn’t seem amused. What a weirdo. Well whatever, you shook it off and said goodnight to the statue of a man that stood in front of you. 

You found your room with a bit of difficulty and finally flopped down onto your bed. You began to drift off to sleep thinking of the strange man you’d met tonight. He really was very attractive. He was handsome in an “I hate you” kind of way. He’s very mysterious that’s for sure. You decided that you kind of liked it and took it as a challenge to get him to at least speak to you at some point. With that you finally slipped into a well deserved sleep.


	3. House Sorting

Snape’s POV

As he watched her walk out of the great hall he couldn’t help but feel that something was different about this girl. No one spoke to him like that. “Except, of course...” he shook his head, trying to perish the thought of the red headed woman with capturing green eyes. He let his thoughts drift, instead, back to the younger woman. He still believed that she was far too young to be trusted with a professors position, but he knew that Dumbledore had his reasonings. “She is actually older than you were when you began you’re teaching career, Severus.” Dumbledore had said when Snape had voiced his opinion, “Twenty four is only too young if aren’t mature enough to hold yourself to a higher standard. Of which, I believe she does.” 

He began to walk back towards his office thinking her incompetent when he rounded the corner of a corridor to find her standing still in the middle of the hall, her back facing him. She seemed confused. “Probably lost again” he thought “What an absolute fool. What was Dumbledore thinking with her?” Just before he stepped out of the shadow he was hiding in she gave a sharp whistle. She waited, so in turn so did he. A small but quick pattering sound began from the other end of the hall towards where she was facing. “Oh good!” She said aloud to herself. “I thought that was the right way.” As she began to walk down the corridor away from him, he could see a small dark figure running towards her. A cat? “Hello little one,” Y/N said to the cat. “I’m sorry if I woke you up. I just wanted to make sure I was going in the right direction. It seems I was after all!” She laughed. Snape couldn’t help but think that, as impervious to her as he was, it was undeniably a pleasing sound. 

Your POV

You stretched and yawned as you opened your eyes. Sun was streaming in through the open windows and it lit up every corner of the room. It was still larger than you were comfortable with but definitely better than the flat you had seen last night. For a moment you lay there staring at the intricate details of the molding and trimmings. “Beautiful.” You thought to yourself. “UGH!” You exclaimed, “the room my be beautiful but I sure as hell know what’s not!” To your disgust you wiped away a river of drool that had just dripped from your chin to your chest. Your hair was stuck to your face and the back of your neck. August was just ending and of course with so many windows your room felt boiling hot. You decided to take another quick shower, because of obvious reasons, and then you headed down to breakfast like Dumbledore instructed you to last night. 

After you cleaned up, you fixed your hair and threw on a clean pair of Muggle shorts and a t-shirt . Since you hadn’t been assigned a specific house yet, you didn’t have any robes to wear. At some point today you would meet Dumbledore in his office and he said they would begin the process there. “I wonder how they decide?”

It was much easier to find the way to the great hall today. Professor Snape was right too. It was a straight line! Right from your room to the Great Hall. So why did you have such a difficult time last night? You walked into breakfast expecting to see the whole teaching staff there, but when you walked in the only ones there were Dumbledore and... “speak of the devil..” Professor Snape sat diagonally from the headmaster as they ate in silence. Since there weren’t any students at the castle yet they were sitting close to the entrance at one of the long students tables. Why does this feel so awkward? Pushing the thought aside you drew a deep breath and put on a bright smile as you continued forward and spoke cheerfully “Good morning you two!” They both turned their heads and Dumbledore, holding his fork in mid air responded just as joyfully with a “Good Morning Y/N, how did you sleep?” You sat down next to him right across from Professor Snape. “Like a baby,” you responded. “Where is everyone?” You asked Dumbledore. He gave you a playful shrug “When classes aren’t in session they show up whenever.” You looked across the table at Snape. Wow. Today he looked even more attractive to you than he had last night. Morning light always gave you a clear view of things. That was definitely no exception with the man sitting in front of you. He looked up and noticed you staring at him. Quickly you felt your face flood with warmth. You looked down and gave out a nervous laugh hoping your face didn’t just go completely red. “Sorry! I momentarily zoned out! I guess I must not have slept as well as I thought!” Well that was embarrassing, could you possibly get anymore awkward? When you forced the courage to look back up at him you remembered vaguely that you had given yourself a challenge last night.

“Anyway,” you said smiling kindly at him. “Are you not a morning person, Professor?” 

He looked up again after he realized that you weren’t talking to Dumbledore. “What would give you that impression” he said listlessly. 

“Well.. I said good morning, to which you ignored. Also.. maybe the fact that you have some pretty gnarly bed-head there on your left side. That kind of gives you away a bit.” You pointed to his black hair that was somehow tousled, smooshed and sticking out all at once. 

His eyes widened just a bit and his hand quickly shot up to his head. Once he felt the issue he frantically began patting it down with some water from his goblet. You breathed out a stifled laugh from your nose and looked down at your plate that had filled itself with food. Dumbledore also seemed to find it amusing, but he did a better job about hiding his laughter. You could feel the man, who was still clad in all black, watching you as you started eating. You looked up and stared back at him. Since you beat your first goal of getting him to speak to you, you decided the next one was to show him you weren’t afraid of him. Besides, you were never one to back down from someone’s challenging stare. 

A few moments into your breakfast, Dumbledore stood up and instructed you to come to his office after you were finished. When you asked him where his office was he smiled and said “Don’t worry, Severus will lead you to me himself.” He gave you a little wink and then walked away out of the great hall. What was that about? 

After Dumbledore had left Snape seemed a little extra perturbed. Obviously you knew that he wasn’t keen on dragging you around the castle, but really, what could you do? Trying to find something to break the prolonged silence between you both. You looked at him “I’m sorry again about last night. Honestly I didn’t mean to be so rude. It’s just been an awfully long few days and getting lost plus being late was just the cherry on top.” You said your apology as genuinely as possible hoping he would comply and follow your lead in attempted conversation. 

He breathed out through his nose and with a solemn face you could tell he accepted your apology. “I understand.” Was the simple answer. Conversation was apparently still your main challenge. 

“So when did you start teaching here Professor?” You inquired 

No answer. 

“You know, if you want to make it easy on yourself I AM planning on being here for quite awhile so.. wouldn’t being friends be beneficial to both of us?”

He rolled his eyes but his demeanor changed in the slightest and he finally responded. “Nine years. I’ve been here since I was twenty one.” 

Was he really 30?! You didn’t think about it before but now that you were sitting here in front of him you guessed you could see it. “That’s wonderful!” You continued asking him questions while he answered very matter-of-factly through breakfast. Finally he finished and stood up “Are you ready yet to see Dumbledore?” Again he sounded annoyed, probably based on the fact that you’d just drilled him with questions. You stood and nodded without uttering another sound. 

Soon you stood in front of Dumbledore again. He thanked Professor Snape and sent him away. “Now let’s begin shall we?” On a shelf by his desk Dumbledore grabbed an old ragged looking hat. “Please take a seat” the older man said. As you made your way to the only chair in the room that wasn’t Dumbledore’s desk chair, you noticed a beautifully large red and yellow bird! A Phoenix! You’d never seen one in real life before. I was so beautiful! 

Dumbledore walked over to the place you were sitting and briefly explained how the hat worked. Sorting you into a house based on your traits, aspirations and priorities. He placed the hat on your head. 

Nothing happened. Dumbledore walked away and sat behind his desk. As soon as he had sat down the hat came to life! 

“Well well well.. aren’t you an odd one. You’re not a student and you didn’t come to this school when you were younger did you?” The hat hummed in your ear. It felt like you could actually feel him scanning your memories and experiences. “This one is a bit difficult... you are very brave and you’re an excellent leader. Gryffindor would do nicely for you. But you’re also wise beyond your years. Maybe Ravenclaw? I’m also seeing some mischief and cunning as well though.. Slytherin might do big things for you with those students. That leaves us with Hufflepuff. Kindness, hardwork and dedication all of which you have. Hmmmm.. this is a difficult one indeed. I might not know.” For a split second you panicked. If he couldn’t pick a house we’re you still allowed to teach?! “What do you mean you might not know?!” You snapped at the hat. Dumbledore looked up from his desk at you with slight surprise. Immediately you realized that you were the only one who could hear the hat so the sudden sharp scream that came from your mouth had scared poor Dumbledore. 

You apologized and then turned your attention back to the hat on your head. “Calm down!” It said to you, “I will figure it out.. but it may take a minute.”

After about a half an hour of hmm’s and I’m not quite sure’s later from the hat, your mind began to wander. Looking around the room and the beautiful architecture, staring at Dumbledore and wondering what it was that had kept him busy and quiet this whole time and then finally your eyes rested on the Phoenix again. It’s silky lookin feathers shining from a candle that was lit on Dumbledore’s desk. All you wanted to do was get up and cuddle it to death, it was so cute and you loved magical creatures. You had a feeling you’d see a whole bunch more of them now that you were here at Hogwarts. 

As you began to think more about magical creatures the hat rang out... “HUFFLEPUFF!”

Dumbledore stood slowly and began clapping as he walked towards you. The hat spoke “Patience, Dumbledore! That was her deciding factor! She was a difficult one but she has simply shown me that her patience, kindness and love for magical creatures would fit her nicely in Hufflepuff. I apologize for making you wait headmaster.” 

“Not a problem” responded Dumbledore as he lifted the hat gently off your head and placed it back on the shelf. He turned back around “Congratulations, Y/N! Unfortunately, at the moment I don’t have any robes made up for you, but we should have them by the end of the day tomorrow. Since students are arriving tomorrow I would like you to wear something that has your house colors on it!” You nodded and left his office excited to finally have a house and feel like you at the very least, sort-of, belonged. 

Since you had the rest of the day to do whatever you wanted you decided it best to go back to your room and go over your syllabus. You had created this over the summer after receiving and replying to Dumbledore’s welcome letter. You had already cleared it with him in another correspondence letter through owl post, but you just wanted to make you had everything you needed before classes began the day after tomorrow!


	4. Hello Students!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Ya’ filthy animals! ;D

Nervousness was your first emotion today upon waking up. Although the light was streaming in, just as it had yesterday, it didn’t comfort you as much as you would’ve liked. Tonight the students were arriving and, if you were being honest, you were terrified. You’ve never taught a class in your entire life! What if they don’t like me? Or if they don’t get what I’m trying to teach them? You couldn’t tell if you were thinking too much into it, especially considering your course was just an elective. 

Swinging your legs over the side of your bed and sitting up you tried to force these thoughts out of your head. But, of course, they stayed present in the very back of your mind. You walked around to the trunk at the end of your bed and lifted the top to reveal a ton of perfectly folded Muggle clothing. Since there were no dressers in the castle you figured you’d make the best of your trunk instead. Rummaging through the many many pairs of outfits you finally found something that you deemed worthy of a first impression! You laid out the clothes on your bed and began getting ready for a new day. Starting off with an almost ice cold shower, you felt as if some of your worries were washing away down the drain. Next you dried your long, chestnut brown hair. Since it was still going to be hot out today you decided that a sleek ponytail would keep you cooler than just leaving it down. Doing your makeup took you the longest. Being a bit OCD meant that having uneven eyeliner or eyebrows was completely out of the question and you wouldn’t stop fixing them until they were absolutely perfect! Finally, grabbing the clothes off your bed, you pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and a Hufflepuff yellow off-the-shoulder top. A black and gold choker and a pair of black boots completed your look. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror and couldn’t help but think that you strongly resembled a muggle high school student. “Maybe I should change?” You asked your sleepy, purring cat. All you received was an annoyed look from her and you raised your hands in defense “Well excuse me ma’am!” 

As you walked to the Great Hall today you felt confident now that you finally knew where you were going. Today was a bit of a surprise when you walked through the great doors into breakfast, the whole teaching staff was actually there! “Oh my god I’m late!!!” You panicked for a second and quickly hurried over towards the other professors. You sat down at the very end of the table next to Professor McGonagall and began eating immediately. 

The kind older witch turned and noticed you sitting there, “My!” She gasped “How long have you been sitting there Miss Y/L/N?” 

“I came in right behind you!” You said trying to mess with her a bit. “I sat down as soon as you did?” 

“Miss Y/L/N! I may be quite a bit older than you, but I assure you that my memory is still as sharp as a quill!”

You laughed “No, of course! I actually just walked in and sat down. You don’t have to call me by my last name by the way. I’m perfectly fine with being on a first name basis! Well, if that’s alright with you, of course!”

Professor McGonagall smiled and nodded at you before turning back to her conversation with Professor Flitwick. As you began to feel full you slowed down on the food. And for the first time you looked up and noticed that the woman you’ve personally named “Professor Crackpot” was sitting across from you. 

“I can tell,” she began in a weirdly shaky voice “that you have had a difficult and upsetting past.” She closed her big bug-like eyes and placed a hand to her forehead. “You will be successful here, BUT! You will not be able to run away from your past! And soon.. SOON... You. Will. Have a very dark time... oh.. a very dark time indeed! Sadly and terrifyingly your time here will end in DEA...”

“Oh shut up Professor Trelawney.” A growling voice behind you said. “Save your death predictions for your new first year students.” You turned around and looked up. Snape was standing behind the spot where you were seated. You smiled up at him “Good Morning, Professor!” You said a bit more excitedly than you meant to. He looked down at you and scowled. Before he turned quickly and left the Great Hall. 

Even though he seemed to ignore your very existence you couldn’t help but be intrigued by him. His scowl, to you, was actually quite a compliment to his face; Almost as if it were one of his features. How that was possible you weren’t quite sure, but it was true. 

You grabbed a muffin from your plate and turned to stand and follow the man. You began to walk away from the table when you heard Minerva call after you “Done already Y/N?” Turning back while continuing to walk backwards away from the table you waved a goodbye to her “I wasn’t that hungry this morning and I have some stuff I need to do before this evenings excitement!” Minerva laughed at your awkward wave and responded “Just don’t be late tonight! You wouldn’t want to give the students the wrong idea about you!”

After you had finally got into the corridor outside of the Great Hall you looked left. Nothing. You looked right. There he is! You jogged towards him eventually catching up. “So.” You started with “So what’s your deal?” 

“Excuse me?” He said irritably 

“Well I’ve only been here for a total of about a day and a half and you already seem to hate me.” You said

He didn’t look at you and remained silent as he continued to walk down the corridor. 

“I mean if you do I guess I’ll just have to change your mind! I’m a nice person you know! I really am!” You tried. 

He continued silent walking. 

“Are you ready for the school year to start?” 

No answer. 

You continued wondering why he wouldn’t talk to you or even give you an annoyed sideways glance. Deciding a bold gesture might get his attention you turned and stepped quickly in front of him and stopped dead in his path. 

“Do. You. Mind?!” He spat at you. 

“Oh! You do have a voice! How wonderful! I’m so happy that you’re not a mute and you’re just a crabby, irritable man!” You said sarcastically. 

“Get out of my way, Y/L/N!”

“Not until you ask nicely.” 

“I’m warning you to move before I make you!” 

You could hear his temper rising. You couldn’t exactly tell why, but his voice, to you, was enrapturing. All you wanted to do was stand there and listen to him. Even if you had to take his temper. You smiled at him and bit your bottom lip to keep from laughing at his extremely agitated expression. Then suddenly his face changed and his eyes traveled from your face down to your exposed shoulders. He looked... embarrassed? As his usually pale white face went pink in the very slightest. 

His eyes darted from one shoulder to the next and then back up to the lip that you had still between your teeth. With that last look he quickly pushed you out of the way and almost ran down the corridor towards his office. 

Laughing, you had a thought that your shoulders may just have given him a glimpse of “too much” skin. “I need to go finish unpacking before the feast tonight” You thought to yourself. “I’ll see you later tonight, Darling!” You called after Snape teasingly. You heard a door slam and knew immediately that Snape had finally reached his office. 

 

Pushing Smokey off the trunk and onto the bed in your room you lifted the top and reached in. You began pulling out knickknacks and other things that you brought with you. Hanging up clothes and hanging decorations around your room. Finally you reached into your trunk and pulled out the last item. The air was sucked out of you as soon as you realized what it was. A framed picture of yourself and a younger girl happily playing a duet on a piano. You dropped the picture and the glass shattered on the floor. How was this possible? You thought that this picture had been destroyed? And... that memory. You had pushed that memory so far into the back of your mind you thought you had lost it for good. Or at least you had hoped you did.. 

Confused and unsure what to do with it you kicked the picture and broken frame under the bed. Grabbing your wand off your bed you quickly cleaned up the broken glass with a perfectly executed “Scourgify!” 

The rest of your night went by in a haze as you tried to forget the memories that the forgotten picture had brought back to you. You laid down on your bed and began to immediately feel a dark wave roll over you. This can’t be happening.. not now when I’m finally happy. Depression was something you struggled with for years after the incident and you thought you had finally beaten it. But here you were, in the same place that kept you from moving forward, away from the past. 

You laid there for what felt like just a few minutes when a knock on your door brought you back to reality. Quickly you jumped out of bed, afraid that someone would see you in such a vulnerable and unstable state. “Just a minute!” You called to the visitor on the other side of the door. Checking in the mirror you fixed a few rebel hairs and flew to the door. Taking a deep breath, composing yourself and putting on a bright smile you opened the door. 

“Good evening Y/N.” Dumbledore stood smiling with a black and yellow students robe. 

“What’s this?” You asked a bit puzzled. “You do remember hiring me as a professor and that I’m not here as a student right?” 

Dumbledore smiled at you “Of course I do! I just figured that since you never got to attend our school, it would be at least kind of us to provide you with the robe you would have had.. if you had been given the chance.” 

“Oh thank you! That’s very kind of you!” You replied. 

He also handed you an extra Professors robe and you took it gladly. “Are you ready to walk to the feast my friend?” He asked

“Is it that time already?!” You hadn’t realized how dark your room was until just now. As a matter of fact, the only light in your room was being provided by the stars from the sky outside. “Just give me one second to change Professor and I’d be happy to walk with you!” 

You decided that looking like one of the students themselves wasn’t the best way to go. So slipping out of your day clothes you grabbed a knee length, long sleeved black dress that was comfy yet professional enough to give a better first impression. You put your hair up into a lose and slightly mess bun and decided on a yellow ribbon around your waist. Walking back to the door you opened it while pulling on your robe as Dumbledore held out his arm in a very gentlemanly way. You laughed, and the two of you walked down to the Great Hall talking about what to expect during the feast. 

The great feast went off without a hitch. Your favorite part was seeing all the sweet faces of the first years. They all looked just as terrified as you felt about teaching for the first time. You sat next to Snape towards the end of the table long Professors table. Everything in you wanted to whisper a conversation to him, but you knew that now was not the time or place. You doubted that he would even respond anyway. 

After the feast was over and you were announced as a new professor you wanted to walk back to your room and pass out. It had been an interesting day for you after all. Instead, a few students came up to introduce themselves to you. They all seemed eager and ready to start the school year. As you were conversing with them you heard a cold “Excuse me” from behind you. You turned, to your surprise, to see Snape standing behind you. “May I please steal her away for a moment?” The students nodded and quickly scurried away. “So they ARE afraid of you then.” You joked. Snape looked at you seriously. “I don’t appreciate your annoying attitude and your constant need for attention. So if you don’t mind, I would greatly enjoy it if you stay away from me.”

You were so dumbfounded that you didn’t say a word. You just let him stare at you expectantly. Once he realized you weren’t going to answer he walked away. What was that all about? I’m not like that at all...


	5. First Day of Classes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the wait! Here’s a new chapter for y’all! Also, I just wanted to say that I was planning on setting this story more in this generation. So I plan on referencing things that are going on in the world now rather than trying to make it fit with the earlier years that the Harry Potter series was set in. But anyway... Happy New Year!

Snape’s POV  
Walking away from the feast he knew what he had said was rude and he felt a bit bad about it. But, no one ever really paid him the slightest attention and he was unsure how to handle it or why she was even making it a point to speak to him. Snape could normally just ignore people who annoyed him, however, this girl was somehow able to get him to acknowledge her presence. He again began to think of the only other person who was able to get him speak even when he didn’t want to. Instead of shaking off her memory, this time, he allowed himself to remember the woman who used to bring joy and happiness to his miserable existence. He also remembered how she had a fiery personality to match her beautifully shining red hair. 

As he walked back to his quarters his thoughts drifted to both women. He thought about how similar they were. Actual, almost scary, similarities. They both seemed, to him, to be strong-willed, both took a curious interest in him and they were both brighter than the average witch. Not to mention their need to get him to speak. A small twitch appeared at the corners of his mouth and he quickly looked around to make sure no one had seen. The last thing he needed was for a student to see him almost-sort-of smile. Finally, reaching his office and walking into his room, he began getting himself ready for bed. “Maybe she’s not that bad” he said out loud to himself. “But then again, that’s what I thought about Lily… and then I let her in… and then I lost her.” And again, he pushed both women from his mind, “It’s nothing but trouble.”  
   
Y/N POV  
Today you woke up with the feeling of absolute terror. You knew that classes were beginning in less than an hour and a half and, even though you were prepared and even though you loved kids, you couldn’t help but think you were going to somehow royally mess this up. You got up and hurried around your room grabbing the things you needed for your day. Knowing how easily you get lost you left your room about thirty minutes early to find the class room. It was on the first floor and Dumbledore had given you a map after the feast the night before. You decided to find the classroom first before going to breakfast. With Smokey trailing behind you, you set off down the corridor.  
Surprisingly you found the room much easier than you thought. Smokey ran into the room in front of you as soon as you pushed the large doors open. Her eyes immediately locked onto a patch of light shining in on the floor from the window on your right. Scampering towards it she flopped down and began to roll around in its warmth. You moved further into the room and placed your things down onto the teacher’s desk. Turning, you took a quick look around you and decided that you didn’t like the way the room was set up. Giving yourself a fifteen minute time limit you began to rearrange the room multiple times with your wand until you liked the look of it. Desks were no longer shoved around the room but instead in nice, but comfortable lines. The dust that looked like it had been there for ages was quickly taken care of. And the teachers desk was placed a bit closer to the students than most Professors liked to be. Letting out a sigh of relief you could feel your nervousness melting away just a bit. Your next order of business was to place your first lesson on the blackboard that now sat opposite the window. Placing your wand into the pocket of your robes you looked purposefully at the board and the words appeared there. Knowing that you were still considered a young and “inexperienced” witch, doing magic like this without a wand made you smile and reminded you that you were here for a reason. Dumbledore would not have asked you here if he thought you inadequate. 

After you set the finishing touches to the room, you called to your cat and proceeded to leave the room. You heard a soft meow and turned around to see why she sounded so far away. She was still in the same spot as when you had entered the room. The only thing that had really changed was her positioning. She was now lying on her back outstretched in the sunlight. You rolled your eyes and smiled. 

Heading down the corridor towards the great hall you couldn’t help but be a little envious of the comfy kitty.

Breakfast went by quickly as you mimicked the man in all black seated next to you, otherwise meaning, you ate in silence. As breakfast was coming to an end, however, you faced Snape and said “I’m really sorry that I’ve annoyed you. It was never my intention to be rude or obnoxious.” Then without waiting for an answer you nodded to him, stood up and walked away.  
   
As you stood at the front of your class you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that you only had ten students sitting in front of you. Of course, you knew that this class wasn’t a major part of witch or wizard educational development, but you thought there would be at least a bit more interest in the Muggle world then this.  
Taking a deep breath you said confidently, “Good Morning class!” The ten young students in front of you mumbled their good mornings and you couldn’t help but giggle at their lack of enthusiasm. You remembered being in class as well and how much you would have loved to be sleeping in instead of sitting in classes all day. “I want to take a moment to welcome you all to my class. I know that Muggle Studies has never been the most exciting class, but I’m hoping to change that! Before we actually get started I wanted to tell you guys just a bit about myself so you’re not stuck in a room with a complete freaking weirdo that you don’t know.” You paused to take in their bored expressions. “Instead you’ll be stuck in a room with an absolutely, DEFINITE weirdo that you only kinda sorta know.” You heard a few chuckles coming from a few of the students and you smiled at them. Pivoting slightly you directed their attention to the cat that was now lying on your desk instead of the floor. “Just so everyone knows! This is my cat, Smokey. She may or may not be in class sometimes with us.” You placed your right hand to the left side of your mouth and whispered “Now, please excuse my language, but she IS an attention whore!” Smokey lifted her head and meowed in protest. The students again began to give breathy laughs through their nostrils. “I don’t mind if you want to give her the attention she apparently so desperately requires, just make sure you’re still following what’s happening in class!”

After explaining where you came from, your educational background and how you ended up here at Hogwarts you did a role call and then turned their attention to the black board. “As you can see I’ve put the syllabus up on the board. Normally in a Muggle school we’d have handouts but I’d rather have y’all write this down so I know that you’ve seen everything that’s coming up in future classes. It’s also a good way to ensure that I know everyone has seen what’s do and when.”

By the time the class was done copying the blackboard you went around the room and asked each individual student their amount of knowledge when it came to the Muggle world. Surprisingly most of them knew very little. You checked the clock at the back of the class and realized that time was almost up for your first class! ”Well, I cant believe it but time is actually pretty much already up for today! I know it was an extremely boring class this morning, but the good news is that means no homework! I promise that as soon as we start getting into the class a bit further it will be a lot of fun!“ Even though there was no homework you told them to at least try to look over the first two chapters of “A Muggle’s Daily Life.” Then you sent them off about 5 minutes early and they seemed quite happy with that. 

A few students lingered around after class to introduce themselves formally, which you were very happy about. A young boy said he “loves your accent!” And you replied with an I love yours too! He sounded a bit Scottish and you were guessing he’d never heard an American accent before. Two of the girls even stopped to tell you that your hair was such a beautiful shade of brown and that it looked so healthy they wished it was theirs. Of course, you thanked the Patil sisters gratefully and told them that you hoped they enjoy the class this semester, then you shooed them off so they wouldn’t be late for their next lesson. All such sweet kids. 

The next two classes you had like this were very similar with introductions, a few sad attempts at jokes, copying the board and ending the class a bit early. In between the two classes you made your way to the great hall for lunch. While walking through the corridors you saw a figure emerging from the dungeons. Professor Snap. Looking annoyed as ever. You quickened your pace so you wouldn’t be walking next to him. Continuing to walk it annoyed you that he didn’t call after you and apologize for his previous actions either. At this exact moment you heard the potions master scoff behind you. For a moment you were confused so you turned your head to look at him. He was staring right at you. Or at least he would’ve been staring right at the back of your head if you hadn’t turned it. You snapped your head back around towards your destination. “Did he just..? Was he using..? He wouldn’t dare!” You thought to yourself. “Oh yes, I would” he replied out loud. This immediately made you stop in your tracks and face him. “Just who the hell do you think you are?” You tried to keep your voice in a conversationally joking tone. “I already said I’m sorry. You don’t need legilimency to know I was speaking honestly.” As usual, no answer. And with that, he swept past you. “Whatever, Professor Snape! I WILL make you my best friend!” The playful yell after him made a few students stare at you. I’m sure they weren’t used to that kind of talk being directed towards someone they were so terrified of. One particularly round boy holding a creature in his left hand looked absolutely mortified. Trying to ease his nerves, you smiled towards him and his face went a very bright shade of pink. Maybe that wasn’t the best call. At this exact moment a few Slytherin students came running through the corridors, knocking the blushing boy to the ground and forcing him to drop all his books and, what you could now tell, was a large toad. “No! Trevor! Come back!” Yelled the boy. You let out a small laugh and shot your wand towards Trevor, “Wingardium Leviosa!” The toad gently lifted and levitated through the air towards you as his back legs still tried to hop away frantically. You allowed him into your hand and calmed the creature with a reassuring pet between the eyes. 

You walked over to the boy “Where is your school bag, Darling?” You asked him in a kind voice. 

“I think I forgot it at my Grans” his face now went from a bright pink to an astounding tomato red

“Oh! Well here, you can have mine. I don’t know why I have it today anyway. Seeing as I didn’t have anything to hand out or collect today!”

“I can’t take your bag ma’am!!”

“Please, I don’t mind. I have another one in my room.” You said handing him both the bag and Trevor then stooping to pick up his books. Standing again you placed all the books in the bag and zipped it. 

“Thank you!” He squeaked. You smiled at him and nodded at his red face. Before you began walking towards the great hall again you patted him on the head and said “Try to keep an eye on your friend there. He’s a beautiful amphibian and I’d be so sad if something were to happen to him!”


	6. Trying Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I stayed up until like 1am writing this last night because after I wrote chapter 5 I got really into it and couldn’t stop! Granted, it probably wasn’t the best idea since I had to work this morning. Oops haha

6\. Trying Again

About a month into classes the weather began to get a bit colder and drearier. It had only taken you a few days to really get into your teaching though, so you were very pleased about that. The students seemed to be enjoying it as well. In your third class of the day you were happy to find out that the owner of Trevor, Neville Longbottom, was in attendance. He was a very clumsy young man, but you found this a very adorable attribute and you couldn’t help but feel almost motherly towards him. 

Week one you had started off with a few boring subjects such as Muggle house items like irons, paper calendars and pictures that didn’t move. It got quite a bit more interesting, though, towards the end of the week when you introduced technology. iPhones and smart TV’s were among their favorites. They enjoyed gaming as well. They loved games on the iPhone just as much as they did on the XBox and PlayStation. 

Week two was an introduction to music and genres. Which at first the students didn’t seem interested in until you had gotten all the terminology out of the way. After notes were taken and chapters read you waved your wand towards the walls. Foam pieces appeared all over them. When you asked what the were all students raised their hands and you had the correct answer from each class. Noise canceling foam, also known as, acoustic panels. Next you waved your wand again and at the front of the class tall speakers appeared. You showed the children how to connect your phone to the speakers through Bluetooth and with an aux cord. Then, for the rest of that week of classes, you spent listening to music and dancing around in your classroom with your students. One student asked if you knew anything about music and you ended up playing multiple instruments and singing for them as well. At the very end of the week some of the students had picked up basic skills on certain instruments and you couldn’t have been happier to see the excitement on their faces! 

Week three was all about dance and their types of genres. This one was fun as well, but not being near as experienced in this subject as the last made it a bit more difficult to explain. Of course, you used what you DID know to make sure that the students were still enjoying themselves! Anything that you couldn’t show them yourself was brought up on a computer or tv screen for them to watch. 

Week four moved into transportation which of course was extremely boring seeing as most Muggle transportation was used by the wizarding world as well. It was funny, however, to see the looks they gave you when you told them that a standard Muggle car could only fit about four or five. The amount of confusion in the their expressions made you laugh out loud. 

Now that week five was starting you were feeling much more comfortable with your new job. You absolutely loved all of your students and even the ones that weren’t in your classes you were still happy to see. Granted, seeing all these young, bright faces made you a bit sad sometimes. It made you think of your past and you couldn’t think too far back because you knew that if you did... well, there’d be no coming back to the present. 

All this time you had been focusing on yourself and your classes. You didn’t have a moment to yourself, let alone a second to let your mind wander to the man who seemed to hate you for no reason. Although, every time you saw him you would still want to drop everything and get to know him. But, you had stopped trying to get his attention and you stopped trying to make casual conversation during meals. You figured that if he wanted to speak with you then he would, but something in him seemed like it DID want to speak to you. So, now that things had calmed down and you were comfortable in your new home and life, you made a decision. You would try again to get the attention of the man who was so mysterious and enthralling. 

Seeing as how tomorrow was Friday you thought that you should try to get Snape to go to Hogsmead with you. You thought it would probably be an impossible feat to actually get him to spend a day with you. But, nevertheless, you were going to try damnit! As you began planning out when to do this you started pondering over when you got like this. While boys had always intrigued you before, they had never been this much of a distraction. You were always the one that THEY were after.... when did the roles switch? You reminded yourself that if you were going to go after this man, you were going to do it with dignity. You were no bimbo. You never had been and you weren’t about to start now. 

That night, as you were waiting for the Great Hall to fill, you tried for the first time in a long time to speak to Snape. “Hello Professor.” You said turning to him. 

Almost immediately he replied, “Hello Professor Y/L/N.”

He responded so quickly that he caught you off guard and for a moment you stood there staring at him, dumbfounded. 

“Close your mouth. You don’t want to catch flies.” He said dully. 

“Oh! I’m sorry,” you giggled, regaining your composure. “I just wasn’t expecting you to respond so quickly... or at all really”

“I can make that happen if that’s what you want.” He sounded uninterested as usual, but you could hear something in his tone. Something that suggested he wanted a conversation. 

You pressed on “No! I’m sorry! I was just wondering.. How your day was?” 

Surprised though he was for a second, he answered, “it was fine I suppose. That Potter kid is becoming quite the thorn in m side.” 

“So someone has taken my number one spot on your annoyance list?” You laughed 

“You could say that.” He responded

“Well good! I’ll let him keep it then!” You gave him a little wink. “Well, look, it’s been a full month now and I figured that since things are calm now I’d go down to Hogsmead.” 

He gave you a momentary look of boredom and then looked forward “So?”

“Soooo... I was wondering if you’d like to join me?” You hoped that you didn’t sound or look as desperate as you felt. 

“You do realize that the Student Hogsmead weekend is next week, don’t you?” His voice began slowing even more than usual. 

“Oh I know! But I was hoping to do something not as child friendly.” You said it and immediately realized what that must’ve sounded like. Snape’s Head snapped around to face you, his brows were furrowed and his lips were parted in a look of extreme surprise. “That’s not what I meant!! I was talking about just going out for a drink!” You could feel your face flushing as the warmth ran up your face and onto your ears. You could see the even Snape’s usual pale white face was tinged with a bit of pink. But before he could respond Dumbledore stood and made an announcement. Afterward, Snape said nothing and began eating. You, on the other hand, didn’t move a muscle. You felt like a complete idiot. How could someone who’s so clever let something so stupid slip out of her mouth.


	7. Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s taking me awhile to post y’all! I work two jobs and school is actually starting again for me today so bare with me! Lol I’ll do my best to get them out in a timely manner!

You sulked around your room a bit as You got ready for your day. You still couldn’t believe what you had said to Snape last night. Even if it was harmless, you still felt like an idiot. After everyone had finished in the Great Hall you both parted ways and you practically sprinted back to your room so you could hid from embarrassment. 

You went all of Friday without even seeing each other. This was easy considering after each of your classes, instead of going to the great hall you went down to see Hagrid and have a nice chat or hid in your room with your cat. 

Breakfast and lunch on Saturday passed just as awkwardly and the two of you didn’t speak, let alone look at each other. You wondered immensely what he must think of you. Suddenly you remembered that Snape was well versed in legilimency and you tried to calm your mind. 

For the rest of the afternoon into the night you decided to spend your time inside cleaning your room again. The last time you did a half tidy and there was still dust everywhere. If you didn’t clean it soon you were bound to get sick. Dusting your room and doing a deep clean was always therapeutic for you and you couldn’t help but genuinely, and weirdly, love it. Starting from the top and working your way down you dusted large areas, cleared the large windows of their smudged surface, folded and hung laundry, and lastly swept the dark hardwood floor. Moving your broom around to the sound of the music you had been listening to in the background, made the task more fun and interesting. Granted, it took twice as long to get to the last area. Your bed, of course, was occupied by the fur ball that was always happily around. She was curled up towards the head of the bed with her whiskered face resting on one of your most comfy pillows. You rolled your eyes and apologized to Smokey as you waved your wand and gently moved the bed a bit so you could sweep under it. She looked at you with a tired and slightly annoyed look. “I’m sorry!” You laughed. 

Quickly though, your mood changed when you noticed the broken frame that lay there. How could you have forgotten? You reached down, hand shaking slightly, and picked up the picture that you had kicked under the bed weeks ago. Turning the picture over again was the hardest thing you had done in a long time. There she was. Happy. Healthy. She should have lived a long and happy life. She wasn’t even old enough to use magic yet! Your eyes began to well up with tears and you let a few of them stream down your face. Quickly you wiped them away and then you walked to the large window on your left. Opening the glass pane, you set the frame and picture on fire and released the ashes into the cool evening breeze. 

You had spent too much time in the past crying and having panic attacks. You couldn’t have that around to make you weak. Taking a deep breath, you closed the window and turned to finish your cleaning. You tried to push the thought of the picture and the memory it held from your thoughts. It proved harder to do than you would’ve hoped. “Why? Why couldn’t I have been there? Why did it happen? How did I not see it? .....” Your thoughts continued to swirl in your mind. Eventually you finished your room. But your “therapy cleaning” did nothing more to help you with your self loathing after finding that stupid picture! 

After putting everything back in its proper place you walked over to a clothing rack that you had magic-ed into your room from God knows where. You grabbed some going out clothes from the rack and put them on hurriedly. Sitting down in front of a well lit mirror you did your makeup. Simple but still nice. When you tried to stand the chair caught onto a notch in the hard wood keeping your chair stationary. Annoyed, you tried to pop the chair out and slide it back. It didn’t work. You tried again and again to no avail. Each time you tried you failed. And each time you failed you got a bit more agitated. Finally you threw yourself backwards, knocking yourself and the chair onto the floor. Bolting upright in a heat of rage, you grabbed your chair by the crest rail and sent it flying across the room. It collided with one of your large windows and the entire window collapsed, shattering in a not-so-silent manner. You ran your hands up your face and into your long hair. Apparently, that photo was going to run your life, along with her memory that you just couldn’t get away from. 

Steps were coming quickly down the hall and you realized that Dumbledore must’ve been worried so you prepared a quick apology for him. But before you could finish thinking of a good excuse that wasn’t “Sorry, apparently I have anger issues sometimes!” Your bedroom door flew open and Professor Snape came charging in, wand at the ready. 

You couldn’t hid the surprise on your face. You hadn’t expected him, of all people, to be the one to show up. Quickly examining the situation you noticed that Snape’s face had a hint of concern in it. You tried your best not to smile at the thought of him actually worrying for you. Behind him, in the doorway, were at least 10 or 15 students peering in. You were sure they must’ve been curious too. 

“What was that horrible crashing?” Snape asked as his gaze left your face to scan the room. His eyes landed on the large window where the chair had just exited the building. 

You tried to remember what excuse sounded at least slightly professional. But all you could come up with was “Sorry, a-apparently I have anger issues... sometimes.” You said the last word in a breathy laugh. 

Snape’s face went from slightly concerned to downright angry. You couldn’t tell if the cold that had just passed over you was from his stare or the cold breath of wind coming in from the large window. “Professor Y/L/N! I know that you’re still new at this school but I think it goes without saying.. You need to respect this school and everything it upholds! How dare you take it for granted!” He spat every word out with downright ferocity. He was aiming to hurt with his words and annoyingly to you, it worked. You could feel the anger and annoyance rising back up from the pit of your stomach. You turned from him and put on your warmest cloak, fixed the window and faced him again. “Before you jump to conclusions, you should be patient with people... it’s rude not to ask what happened before being an ass!” You said to him. His jaw clenched and as he was about to retort, no doubt angrily, you looked at his cloak that always hung around him like a protective blanket for him to hid behind. You said an incantation in your head with so much anger that Snape didn’t have time to react. His cloak flew up from the floor and quickly draped itself over his head. It then continued to wrap itself around him so tightly that for a moment you were worried you might accidentally suffocate him. You released the curse a bit so you didn’t hurt him. But instead of lifting the curse completely you placed your wand in your cloak and blew out the candle that had been burning. Then storming past a struggling Snape you kindly asked the students to excuse you and you slammed the door behind you. 

As you began to stomp off down the hall you heard a voice call after you. “Excuse me, Professor. But what about our potions master?” The boy spoke in a high sort of shrill voice that had a tone of imprudence in it. Without stopping or turning your head you called back to him “It’s just a tangling curse, he’ll work himself out of it eventually.” No one tried to ask questions after that, they all seemed fine with that answer and a lot of them, from what you could hear, seemed to think it was pretty funny. But between everyone else’s happy laughing you could hear the boy say to his friends “She’s crazy if she thinks that my father isn’t going to hear about this!”

You weren’t sure at first where you were going, so you just let your feet carry you. Eventually, you found yourself sitting at a bar in Hogsmead already two Fire Whiskey’s in. After a few hours of the drink and making some new friends you felt a lot better. You had gravitated to a girl around your own age who had blonde hair and freckles. Her name was Adley and she was naturally a red head but she explained that she hated her natural hair so she was constantly dying it. As the night went on you both found that you were very similar and it excited you to finally have met someone so refreshingly normal! 

By around 2am the two of you had become good friends and been to at least 4 different wizard bars. You ended up at the Three Broomsticks Inn where you met a bunch of other young adult wizards having a terribly out of tune karaoke night. You looked at Adley with a huge smile and she returned your unspoken thought with an all too vigorous nod! 

The night wore on and your memory started fading in and out. You knew that in the morning you were going to regret this, but for now you had forgotten whatever it was you had set out to forget. You continued to dance to a mix of Muggle pop and Wizarding classics. As you ordered another drink, you told the bartender to surprise you, your favorite song came on and you couldn’t help but let out a little scream! Adley looked at you with pure excitement “Please tell me that scream meant that this is your favorite song too!!” 

Without thinking you jumped onto a chair and then up onto a table and began singing into the enchanted brush that was being passed around as a microphone. You were expecting someone to yell for you to get down, but the only sound that came to you were the cheers of the group you had easily fit in with. Their excitement over your singing made for one of the best moments in your life! You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had this much fun! Adley jumped up onto the table next to you and the both of you began singing a terrible drunken duet that everyone still seemed to love. As the song moved into the guitar solo you both began doing air guitars and dancing like fools. 

The song ended and you made to step down off the table. In your drunken state you somehow missed the chair that you were aiming for and fell. A cloaked stranger was there, however, to catch your fall. The man under the hood stood you up and then grabbed your arm, just above the elbow and spoke “Let’s go, I think you’ve had enough.” You tried to shake him off but you were so drunk you could barely even see straight. You called to Adley and told her you’d see her around! 

The man lead you out of the three broomsticks inn and up the path back towards Hogwarts. It was a freezing night and you were shivering uncontrollably. The cloaked man sighed and said slowly “Where is your cloak? I know you had one when you left.” You knew that his voice was familiar but you were so out of it you couldn’t remember who it belonged to. The man set you down on a bench and pulled out his wand, “Accio Cloak.” Your warm winter cloak came zooming out of the pub and into his hand. He stood you up and draped the cloak around your shoulders. Before he could turn to leave, you weakly grabbed his arm and lifted your free hand to his hood. Sliding it off, you immediately wanted to kick yourself for doing such. 

“Snape!” You said in surprise. “Wha are youdooing here?” Your words slurred together and you were actually mortified. 

“When you didn’t return after your little tantrum, I came looking for you.” He said plainly. 

“When?” You said, keeping it short. 

“Two” he replied. 

Looking around at the positioning of the moon you noticed that it had to be at least 5:30 or 5:45. So he had been following you.. there was no way a man of his capabilities would take that long to find something. The idea of him watching over you gave your stomach a bit of a lurch and you couldn’t help yourself from raising both hands and placing them on either side of his face. He didn’t move. Looking directly into those black eyes you said, “I know you think your hardcore or something. But I think that underneath all this black clothed exterior and angry attitude, there’s actually someone very sweet and kind who just wants to live again. I understand that. You should really let me in. I think we could help each other.” You tried your absolute best to deliver those few sentences without sounding like a complete mess. For the most part you think you did ok. Then, removing your hands from his face you flung them around his neck and hugged him. His rigid body tensed and then loosened a bit and you felt his hands trail up your back to hug you back. He still felt distant and it felt like he didn’t know what in the world he was doing, but it was a start. 

Next thing you knew you were waking up and running from your bed to the bathroom where you spent most of your Sunday afternoon.


	8. Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s taken so long y’all! Here’s a new chapter! I know it’s not the longest but it’s as much as I could do for now!

After spending the entire morning/afternoon in your bathroom huddled next to the toilet, you decided to try and go back to bed for awhile. You stood up slowly and immediately felt so dizzy that you had to sit back down again for fear of falling over. You wondered if Madame Pomfrey had a cure for terrible hangovers? You grabbed the trash can by the sink and tried again to stand up. Slowly you made your way to your bed and sat down on it, placing the trash can on the floor next to you. Reaching towards your night stand you grabbed some parchment and a quill. Jotting down a quick message and tying it to Smokey’s collar you sent her off to the hospital wing. 

You laid down trying to remember the events of last night, but nothing came. The last thing you genuinely remember was launching a chair through a window. Why were you so angry again? Oh.. because of Scarlett... tears began to collect in your eyes and you tried to wipe them away just as the rolled over onto your cheeks. “I can’t believe I let myself fall back into destructive pattern. Reminder, anger, terrible drinking, blacking our.” 

“Maybe I should just try and take a nap for a little while?” You thought through the pounding in your head. 

Snape’s POV

She was nowhere to be seen this morning in the Great Hall and he knew she must be either passed out or getting extremely sick. He couldn’t get her out of his head no matter how hard he tried. For some reason she had taken an interest in him and he had let her slide through the cracks in his otherwise flawlessly guarded exterior. He wondered if she’d even remember the event of last night. How she’d held his face so gently between her hands. How she’d hugged him without fear of even the slightest repercussion. 

“Professor Snape!” Shouted a young blonde student. “Are we going to have class sometime today? Or would you rather continue to sit there and daydream?”

Severus looked around and noticed that the entire great hall had cleared out and that he and the young boy were the only ones there. 

“We’ve been waiting for at least 15 minutes!” Said the boy. 

Snape immediately forgot what he had been thinking about all morning. “And you will continue to wait as long as I am not in the classroom!” He snarled. “Get back to the classroom, Draco! This is a lesson in patience!”

Draco jumped in minor surprise at his professor’s answer and then annoyedly obeyed. 

******************

After his first few classes, Severus began to make his way towards the great Hall again for the lunch hour. He made sure to take a different... much longer route today. His curiosity has gotten the better of him and he decided to walk by her room. The door was closed and from what he could tell there was no noise. He thought she must be sleeping. Thinking that he would check again after lunch he made his way to the great Hall.

He needed to stop thinking about her. It was nonsense, the only reason he started her was because of last night. No one had put their hands on him since Lily. He missed her. Trying to remind himself of her sweet face he realized that it was harder. Much more difficult than it normally was. But after concentrating.. a memory begin to emerge. Walking through the halls and laughing with her while she struggled with the 5 or 6 books that she refused to get a bag for. She kept saying that her mother was making her a new one and she would rather wait. But something was different about her this time. Almost as if the memory had changed? The curve of her face was different and she had very lite, almost unnoticeable, freckles donning the bridge of her nose and cheeks. He immediately let the memory go. Instead of thinking, he struck up a conversation with the professor next to him and focused on that. 

******************

Walking back to his office he heard a faint noise coming from the end of the hallway. He stopped to listen and realized that it was a small bell. Turning to face the source of the noise he saw a small figure trotting towards him. Her cat? He didn’t normally see it out without her. Looking up from the cat and down the corridor he waited. He was expecting to see her walking towards him with that usual annoying grin across her face. But no one came. 

“Meow!” Looking back down the creature had sat itself at his feet. She stared back at Severus and he was about to turn and leave when he noticed something tied to her collar. Stopping down he untied the piece of parchment and unrolled it. It was a letter for Madame Pomfrey. 

“Hello my friend! 

It seems that I have really out done myself this time. I’m honestly quite ashamed to admit it, but unfortunately I have the mother of all hangovers. I was wondering, by any chance, if your wonderful and skillful hands may have an easy cure? (Yes, I am a suck up) Please let me know and I can attempt to make my way there. 

Thanks! You’re the best!  
Y/N”

Snape rolled his eyes and stuffed the letter into his cloak pocket. He turned from the cat and walked again towards his office. 

*ding, ding, ding*

He was walking away... so why I’m Merlin’s beard is this cat following him?! He called over his shoulder “Go away cat!” But she continued to pursue him all the way to his office where he violently closed the door in her face. She scratched and clawed relentlessly at the door for twenty minutes before he was so furiously annoyed that he swung the door open and spoke to her through his teeth “What. Do. You. Want. CAT!” She meowed and started to trot away from the door. “Finally!” He called after her and closed the door. 

Not even a minute later the cat was meowing and scratching again. Trying to keep his composure he got up and slowly moved to the door. Gently opening it he stared down at the cat who again meowed and began, slower this time, to walk away from the door. Severus watched her and then realized that she kept looking back to him and meowing. She wanted him to follow her. 

He walked along the corridors behind her and quickly noticed where she was leading him. He picked up his pace, passing the happily trotting cat at his feet, and pushing through the door to the hospital wing. Immediately, he spotted Madame Pomfrey. Before she could even say hello he grabbed the letter from his cloak and shoved it into her hand. He turned and began to walk away. 

“Professor Snape! What is this?” Madame Pomfrey called to him.

He continued to the door. 

“Snape!” She called after him, making it sound more urgent than questioning. 

He stopped and she continued “I can’t bring this serum to her.. and I don’t have time to write a response. Can’t you see I’ve got a full house here?”

Looking around he noticed for the first time that the beds were full of first years in quidditch attire. 

Madame Pomfrey raised her eyebrows and held the serum out to him. 

Snatching the serum from her hand he twirled back around and out the door towards Y/N’s room. “This is ridiculous!” He spat.


	9. My Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it’s been taking me forever and a day to post lately! I was having a lot of trouble with one of my classes so unfortunately I made the decision today to drop it. I’m hoping I’ll be a bit less stressed, but we’ll see. I actually have all my school finished for the week already, which is crazy! Lol so I decided I’d put out the next chapter. I will give a you a bit of a warning though guys, it does get a bit dark for a minute! But I’m hoping you guys enjoy this chapter anyway. I felt like chapter 8 was pretty crap and that it definitely wasn’t my best work! Anyyyyway... Please enjoy! And as always, let me know what y’all think! I love feedback!

The sun shone brightly on your tanned skin. You laughed freely at his joke without a worry in the world. You couldn’t believe how lucky you were. He was so handsome and he was into YOU! Of all the women in the word he decided on you. You picked up your lemonade, took a sip, and then tried to cool off by holding the ice cold glass to your slightly sweating forehead. He laughed gently at the sight. 

“Don’t laugh at me sir!” You said teasingly, “It’s an incredibly hot day and you chose the one and only table out here without an umbrella!” 

A cheeky smile grew across his chiseled face. He brushed his fingers through is light brown hair and leaned back in his chair. “Well, maybe I just want to catch up to your level of tan!”

“But it’s so hooot!” You said laughing 

“We can always go sit inside.” He replied

“What, are you kidding? The sky hasn’t been this clear in days!” You gave him a wink. 

Rolling his eyes and chuckling “You’re so difficult!”

“What can I say? I want what I want.” You said giving him a suggestive look and reaching out for his hand across the small white wicker table. 

As soon as your fingertips met the top of his hand the sunlit bakery behind him began to twist and change into a dark and ominous scene. His hands began to turn black and grew misshapen like something out of a horror movie. You realized now that you were standing and the man in front of you was no longer a man, but a very tall, black and dead looking tree. Thunder began to roll in the distance. You turned around to see in what direction the the oncoming storm was headed. But instead of seeing the cute shops across the street by which you had been seated, you found yourself alone in a forest of black trees just like the one you had watched grow from the man in front of you. The sky was also a very dark gray, adding to the already eerie feeling of dread that had come with this change of scene. 

“Why does it feel like I’ve been here before?” You began walking away from where the thunder was moving in quickly, but you weren’t fast enough. The rain came down as a mist at first, but then all of the sudden it was pouring and you were caught in the middle. You stood there frightened and not knowing where you were. You closed your eyes and told yourself to think! “How did I get here? What was I doing? How do I get home? Why can’t I remember anything?” Suddenly your eyes shot back open and a hot wave of downright terror flooded your body. Somebody off in the distance was yelling. You stood frozen, not wanting to listen, but unable to do anything else. The yelling became clearer and your body relaxed slightly as you realized that it wasn’t just a random yell of some psycho. Someone was calling for something? Or someone else maybe? Were they looking for you? You decided to go looking for the person, but you stayed hiding behind trees, just in case. 

As you got closer you began to make it out! A name! YOUR name! Oh good! Someone WAS looking for you! “Hallelujah!” You smiled with relief. “Somebody get me out of these creepy mother effing woods!” But, as always with your life, happiness was short lived. As you came around the side of one of the trees you saw her. A brown haired, short, sweet and scared, young girl who looked a lot like yourself. In fact, the only difference was a light undertone of natural.... SCARLETT! 

You flew out from behind the few remaining trees that separated you and your little sister. Running towards her you called out to her! “I’m here kiddo! Why are you out in this storm?! You should be at home!” Scarlett didn’t turn around. She stood frozen staring at something off in the distance. “Y/N? Is that you?” She called out weakly towards the spot where she was staring. At that moment a flash of lightning lit up the forest and you saw what your sister had been staring at. A tall figure. Face concealed by a black hoodie. Knife in hand. 

You heard you sister scream and then suddenly she was gone. The tall figure was gone and the open space where your baby sister had just been standing was replaced by an old tobacco barn. The trees around you were fewer but still just as creepy. The sky was still dark but the rain had been swapped out for a low howling of sharp whipping winds that made the black trees bend and moan like they were about to snap at any moment. 

No. You couldn’t be here again. This barn. This is where... your eyes quickly welled up with tears. You couldn’t force yourself to go in there again. Not when you already knew the ending to this story. Your sadness quickly grew into anger as you whirled around looking for the tall figure. The monster, as you thought of him, was nowhere in sight. You tried to scream out after him, but no sound came out. Not a peep. Suddenly, there was a banging. Slowly, you turned back around towards the tobacco barn. The noise was coming from the other side. It grew louder and louder until.... you opened your eyes. 

***************************

Six large windows let sun stream in and onto the floor where a furry grey blob was just flopping down to soak in the warmth. Your eyes, were full of tears and before you could wipe them away you felt the events from last night coming back to punish you. You quickly grabbed the trash can by your bed to avoid making a mess. Then put it back on the floor afterwards. 

The banging from your dream continued and for a moment you thought it was all in your head. That is, until you heard a frustrated sigh coming from the outside of your door. You took your wand from the night stand and waved it towards the trash can. It disappeared. “Come in” You said in a shaky voice. 

Severus Snape came half bursting through your door. At first he had a look of, what you assumed to be, anger or frustration. But, as soon as your eyes met his expression changed. At first he seemed confused and then... maybe a bit worried? But you were too tired to care at the moment. Analyzing this man at the moment was too difficult and you honestly couldn’t care less. “Yes professor?” You said weakly while wiping your tear filled eyes and face on the sleeves of your night shirt. 

“I.. uh.. your cat.. um...” he stared at the cat in the corner with a slightly menacing look and then continued with a short, frustrated.. “Here.” Then he turned back towards the door and started walking towards it. 

“Wait!” You said. “What is this?”

“It’s an antidote... obviously.” He continued walking. 

“Well, how do you take it?” You said quickly before he reached the door. 

Letting out a huffy sigh he turned back around and stared at you. 

“How long does it take to work?” You genuinely didn’t know the answer to this one. But, as far as you’re concerned you didn’t really know the answer to the first one either in the moment. You forgot that you had sent a message to Madame Pomfrey. 

“I don’t know” he replied simply and turned again. 

“Snape please!” You called after him. He stopped and stood for a minute. You had never called him Snape without calling him professor as well. “I’m sorry, I’m sure your busy, but will you please stay. Just for a little while?” 

He turned and stared at you without changing his usual emotionless expression. You, however, could tell he was surprised at you. Pulling out his wand, he procured a chair near your bed, a glass of cold water on your nightstand and summoned a book from what you assumed was his study. “Take the antidote and then have some of the water. The medication will taste awful.”

You nodded and did as you were told. 

After successfully choking down the antidote without throwing it back up you laid back and looked at the man reading by your bed. For a moment you considered him and then asked “What is it that you’re reading?”

Without looking at you he raised the book in front of his face so you could read the title. I think it says... something, something... potions... something? But instead of saying you couldn’t make it out you just said “ah!” And he lowered the book again. “Well it must be a very good read for you to be so enraptured in it!” You suggested. 

“I think,” he said with a pause. “You should try to get some sleep.” He continued, however, to keep his eyes on the page he was reading from. 

“I can’t” you confessed. 

“What do you mean you can’t?” He asked, still not looking at you. 

“Well I WAS sleeping before you came. But I had a nightmare.” You could feel your face flush a little. That sounded very childish...

Snape dropped the book to his lap and stared at you. Again, he was obviously annoyed. 

“I’m sorry! I mean that it wasn’t just a dream. It was a memory.. or rather a couple of memories....” your voice trailed off and you stared at your hands on the comforter of your bed. 

“A memory?” He seemed very slightly interested now. 

You sat there for a moment. Trying to decide if you should say anything. Then your gaze moved up to him and you looked straight at his face. Something seems different about him today? What is it? There looks like there might be a bit of caring in those sometimes soulless black eyes of his. Immediately you felt relieved and at ease. You felt like you could trust him.

“It was about my sister” your eyes began to fill with tears again, but you refused to let them fall. You don’t cry in front of people. You did enough of that years ago. 

“You have a sister?” He replied 

“Not anymore.”


	10. Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! So, here’s another chapter! I just wanted to make something clear because I was reading some other stories similar to mine and I noticed that the writers jump right into the relationships! Which is always really nice. However, with my story, as it is about starting over with each other I wanted to give you kind of the backstory towards the main character, which is you! Everyone knows Snape’s backstory, so I didn’t have to reiterate that. But as soon as I get through the tragedy of “your” life leading up to this moment of being in Hogwarts, THEN we will get more in depth into the relationship portion of the story. I just wanted to put that out there in case anybody was swayed by the previous chapters. More good things to come soon!

Snape sat staring blankly at you. Instead of turning away you stared back at him. 

“What do you mean ‘not anymore’?” He asked. 

“I meant exactly what I said, I don’t have a little sister anymore.” You stated blankly. 

Snape seemed like he didn’t know what to say or even do. He looked back at the book open in his lap. You wondered what he was thinking. 

“I’m sorry” he said simply.

You smiled at him “It’s not your fault.” 

Snape remained silent. So you began to look around your room taking in the sunshine and beauty of real life instead of nightmare land. You smiled as you caught a glimpse of Smokey rolling around in the light on the floor. 

“Wait a minute,” you spoke out loud “I thought I sent a message to Madame Pomfrey, why were you the one to bring me the antidote?”

Snape looked at you again and then followed your gaze to the cat on the floor who had annoyed him so mercilessly. “Long story.” He answered in his usual monotonous tone. 

“I’ve got time!” 

He looked at the old clock in the corner of your room, “I don’t.” 

Snape closed the book on his lap and stood. “My next class is in less than twenty minutes, please excuse me.” He turned to leave.

“But… It’s a Sunday… Isn’t it?” Oh my god! You slept until Monday?!

“It is. It’s a makeup class for… certain… students.” He replied.  
“Oh ok!” Well that makes sense. “Thank you, Professor!” you called out to him as he walked into the corridor. Before closing your door, he gave you a small nod and made his departure. 

You laid back in your bed pondering the fact that he actually stayed when you asked him to. On any other day, you figured, he would never do that. I wondering why he was feeling so generous today, you laughed at the thought. 

*************************************************

Alright! It’s time to get up! An hour or so after Snape had left your room you were still lying in bed. You hopped out of bed and swiftly made your way to the bathroom. You couldn’t believe that you had sat there smelling like you did in the presence of the man that you, for some reason, looked up to and genuinely admired. You bent down and turned on the shower then turned on your speaker to so you could sing in the shower like a loser. Hitting shuffle on your phone, Meet Virginia by Train came on. Wow! Talk about throwback much. 

Hopping into the shower you began to scrub vigorously at spots on your arms and legs. On your way back from Hogsmead last night you must’ve been falling a lot. Geez, I hope none of the students saw me… OR any of the other professors for that matter. Come to think of it, you couldn’t even recall when you came home last night. Or how you managed to change and put your pajamas on? Normally, you’d make it home fine, but changing? Not so much. “Hmm.. a mystery!” you chuckled to yourself as you lifted a finger into the air like a detective. You smiled and moved onto massaging the shampoo into your long greasy brown hair. That was her catchphrase growing up. You let out a sigh, happy that you still have some memories of your baby sister that didn’t only have to do with sadness and regret. 

Although it was a beautiful afternoon you still felt weird. Nightmares like that, whether from real memories or just your overactive imagination, left you with a feeling of dread that you couldn’t normally shake for about a day or two. Drying your hair and changing you tried again to not think about Scarlett. Although you loved her, you couldn’t dwell on the past. Last night should have never happened and it only did because of that photo somehow. For a moment, you remembered that you had found the picture in your trunk… After you had destroyed it before you left America. Curiosity, taking hold of your attention, made you halt drying your hair with your wand. “I wonder...” you slowly walked over to the trunk at the end of the bed, took a breath, closed your eyes and lifted the lid. You didn’t know this time if, when you opened your eyes, you wanted the memory to be there or not. Unhurriedly, you peeked one eye open and looked down into the trunk. Just as before, it was laying at the bottom. “I don’t understand,” you said looking towards your cat who had moved herself back to the bed. “Obviously, it’s some sort of magic. But, I never placed a spell on this picture?” You reached down once again into the trunk and pulled out the mysteriously reappearing item. Instead of getting angry this time, you smiled and let one single tear fall down your cheek. You closed the lid on your trunk and walked over to the nightstand next to your bed. There you placed the picture of the two of you. Smiling, laughing and just being genuinely happy, you remember that day so vividly. You were trying to teach her how to play piano. She was awful and when you would try to correct her, she would make some terrible pun or joke that made you lose your focus and your seriousness. She was such a little delight. 

*************************************************

Dinner that evening you found particularly delicious. Probably because you hadn’t really eaten anything since early the night before. You scarfed your food down so fast that you were finished before anyone else in the entirety of the great hall. Letting out a relaxed, and full, sigh you leaned back and took in all the children in front of you. The Ravenclaw’s quietly speaking to each other with wisdom beyond their years. The Slytherin’s, loud and rowdy, while playing little jokes on their friends. The Gryffindor’s, respectfully giving their opinions to each other about quidditch and how muggles would react if they ever saw such a thing. And, of course, the children like you. The Hufflepuff’s, most of them were sweet children who were always willing to help and be there when you needed a friend. They were leaders without even knowing it. All of these children had their own unique traits and you felt like you knew most of them by know. A lot of them had difficulties of their own at home, but you knew that coming to school was their favorite part of the year. They were all terrific, wonderful, bright children and you couldn’t help yourself from thinking how much you adored them all. As your eyes swept over the children once last time, you caught a glimpse of a child at the Gryffindor table with bright red hair. He was struggling with a rat that had jumped out of his robs onto his plate. The little creature had begun to eagerly fill itself and Ronald Weasley looked so upset that his pet had grabbed his last few bites of chocolate cake. You let out a quiet breathy laugh at the sweet sight. 

Out of your peripheral vision you saw Snape’s head turned slightly in your direction. You became painfully aware of how ridiculous you must look. Slouched back comfortably into your chair, head tilted slightly sideways, cheek leaning onto your closed fist with a big fat smile spread across your rose-colored lips. Not to mention the sparkling clean plate in front of you because you scraped any tiny hint of food or sauce off of it into your face. 

You dropped your gaze from Ron and instead focused on your own plate for a moment before saying, “Thank you for earlier.”

You sat up a bit and looked over to the man clothed in black sitting next to you. He quickly snapped his head back towards his own plate. You let out another breathy laugh through your nose. “It’s ok Professor, I already saw you staring. And the answer is yes, I AM a slob” you laughed lightheartedly again. “But honestly I couldn’t help myself. I was just so hungry.”

He turned his head slightly again, his eye’s looking towards your plate. “Oh, I hadn’t noticed.” 

Was that not what he was staring at? “I’m sorry, it must’ve been my terrible posture then. It’s something I need to work on, I know.”

“It’s not that either. How are you feeling?” He asked quietly.

“Since this afternoon? Much better, thank you?” You tried not to sound confused as you were not used to this somewhat gentler attitude he had been showing you today. 

“Good.” Was his only response. 

You looked at him thoughtfully. His tone was so much different than normal that you almost didn’t know how to handle it. “You know… You don’t have to treat me any different.”

He looked around at you. Not saying a word, but obviously listening.

“It still hurts, of course, and I don’t think it will ever not hurt. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. My sister died awhile ago and I just have to live with the fact that she isn’t here anymore. I had to let it go. Or rather… I never let it go… I just shoved that part of my life away. Otherwise, I’ll only live in the past.” You said all this in hopes of seeing his expression change somehow. Hoping he would look at you like you weren’t broken. Granted, his expression in general was the same, as always. But there was something slightly different. In his eye’s you detected some kind of pain. It was the same kind of pain that you felt every time you thought of Scarlett. Did he lose a sibling too you wondered? 

He continued looking at you without speaking, so you went on. Turning your head back to the students in front of you. “I do still think about her from time to time of course. I wish she could have been here to see this. We used to read about this place together and I promised her that one day we would get here. We just wanted to see it, that’s all.” You smiled gently again as you looked over all the children. “I’d like to say these children are lucky. They got to come to Hogwarts! It was our dream! But, then I realize that magic is bigger here. There’s more of it in this country and just because it’s more common here, that doesn’t mean it’s any safer. Some of these children have already been through so much that they shouldn’t have ever had to go through.”

You saw him look away from you and stare out over the students as well. You looked towards the Gryffindor table again and spotted the bright hair of Ron Weasley who had finally wrangled his now fat rat back into his robes. As expected, his best friend was sitting next to him. “Harry Potter, as an extreme example I suppose.” As you said this Snape’s head snapped back at you, “I’m sorry.” you said calmly while continuing to watch the friends laugh at something together. “I know that you’re not his biggest fan, and that’s totally fine. But, he’s already been through so much in his short life. I can completely understand what it’s like to lose your entire family. It’s awful.” 

Snape continued to stare at you and when you finally decided to look towards him his expression had finally changed. However, it was not the expression that you wanted. He looked at you with a burning intensity that wasn’t stemming from hatred but something else. “We didn’t hear anything about him in America, but he’s basically a celebrity here. Since I’ve been here, Dumbledore told me the story of how it happened. His mother must’ve been so brave. Giving your life for your child is the most selfless thing I could thing of. She sounded like an extraordinary woman. I would’ve loved nothing more than to meet her. Everyone says that the loss of the Potters was a devastation for the entirety of Hogwarts and all who knew them.”

At that moment Snape stood so abruptly that he actually made you jump. “I guess everyone lost somebody that day.” He said spitefully through his teeth. And with that he was gone, he swept out of the great hall so effortlessly that you almost though he was floating. You watched him leave and then looked to the side to see that Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore were staring at you with puzzled expressions. “I have absolutely no idea what I said this time?” you said down the table. They both laughed and shrugged off the interference without another look.


	11. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry that it has taken so long you guys! But the semester has finally ended and I hope to be putting up some more stuff for y'all very soon! Thanks for understanding!

A few days passed by and you haven’t seen Snape since he stormed off on Sunday evening. “I still just don’t understand…” you spoke out loud by accident. 

“You don’t understand what, dear?” 

You turned your head and saw Professor McGonagall walking towards you through the rows of books that lined the shelves of the library. You didn’t really want to let on to her that you hadn’t stopped thinking about Snape for a few days, so you thought up a simple lie. 

“The Dewey Decimal system! It’s crazy confusing to me!” You flashed her a large, animated, toothy smile. By this time, she had reached your side and stood scanning your face. She knew you weren’t telling the truth. But she scoffed, rolled her eyes and told you that Dumbledore had sent her to find me. 

“He would like to have a staff meeting tonight after the students have dispersed to their dormitories. There’s a few urgent matters we all must attend to!” Minerva then changed her focus to the book you had been holding and gently took it from your hand. “A Wizard’s Guild to Muggle Architecture?” 

Upon seeing her puzzled look, you laughed. “It’s not for me Minerva! I was looking at new material for my class. I think the students would find this one quiet boring, though, if I don’t find a way to spice it up!”

The older witch smiled at you, “I completely understand. Sometimes even my students get bored... and you and I both know my class is the best.” She gave you a wink and moved on to find other members of staff. 

You laughed at the comment she had just made, knowing full well it was the truth. Taking another look at the book that Minerva had placed back in your hand you turned to leave the library. You waved goodbye to the two students you had been helping earlier and they gave you big smiles and waved back.  
***********************************  
After leaving the library you decided to stop by your classroom and drop off the book you had borrowed. Then you decided to go the long way around the castle to your room before the meeting. It was a quiet and chilly evening and as you walked on past the large columns by the courtyard you couldn’t help but stop and take in the breath-taking sight in the sky. It was a beautiful night, the sky was completely clear, the moon was full, and each and every star shown so bright that you could’ve sworn they were little fireflies dancing around the courtyard. You smiled as you thought of the little bugs that you used to catch with your little sister. 

You thought of the first time you took her firefly hunting with your friends. They all complained that she was going to slow them down, but you were never that great at telling her no. Even though your friends had begged you not to bring her along you let her go anyway. You remember laughing at all of your friends when their jaws dropped to the ground upon their realization of how terribly quick she was. Running across the small field behind our house; crossing the river without getting even a drop of water on her; climbing up the rocks across from the river bank; And being the first to run into the chaos and hordes of fireflies on the giant field that Farmer Brown owned. Once you had finally caught up to her she stood rigid and still. “What’s wrong kiddo?” you asked her. She didn’t respond as she stood there staring at the tiny glittering bugs. she was awestruck with pure joy and utter amazement as she watched them fly around her, their soft glow illuminating her innocent face. “They’re really cool, aren’t they?” you asked.

“SHHHHHHH!!” she hissed at you.

You chuckled, bent down to her level, and lowered your voice “ok… ok… why are we hushing?”

She looked back at you with a defiant expression “obiously you goin’ to scare dem off!”

Smiling again, you stood up and told her it wouldn’t be a problem they loved it here so they weren’t going to leave anytime soon. 

That night she caught the most fireflies and brought them home in a cage that Farmer brown had handed to her. He always came out with ice cream on summer nights to give to the children who liked to play in his open field. Not having any children of his own he always loved to watch out for us when we were around. He brought the ice cream out and noticed the sourpuss look that Scarlett had across her face. He bent down in front of her tiny 4-year-old figure and asked why she was so upset. She looked at him simply and said “Y/N won’t let me bwring da blinky-bugs home… she says the net is not soup-able for dem.” 

He laughed and looked at you with a confused yet adoring expression, “Soup-able?” 

Shaking your head and rolling your eyes you translated “Suitable.” 

He nodded in thanks to you, stood up, handed Scarlett an ice cream, and told her to wait there patiently and he would bring her a gift. After Farmer Brown began walking towards his house your tiny sister flopped down in the grassy field and began eating her ice cream while staring after him. She was such a little princess, whenever someone said “gift” or “present” she would immediately shut up. You rolled your eyes again and went back to playing tag with your friends. 

When you saw Farmer Brown finally returning from off in the distance, you ran back to your sister to see what he was going to give her. Once he finally reached her his hands were behind his back and he told her to close her eyes. Immediately, she did as she was told. Your friends all gathered around her as well to see what kind of gift Framer Brown was to procure from behind his tall slender figure. He gave you a small wink and pulled out from behind him a small, toy bug house. He gently placed it in her tiny hands and told her she could look. Her little eyes shot open in excitement and then she asked “what is it??!?” You always loved how she was happy over things that she had no idea about. 

“Oh sir!” you said slowly. “I appreciate the gesture, but we can’t take that from you. What if someone else wants to use it?” 

Farmer Brown looked at you sweetly, “My dear child” He began in his old shaky voice “That was my niece and nephew’s bug house. I gave it to them when they too were just five years old. However, those darling twins are 32 now and they are both Entomologists now. I think their equipment far outdoes this little thing.” 

“Wow! That’s amazing!” you said astonished “Well thank you! I know Scarlett will love it!” You turned your attention to the small girl who had already begun shoving bugs unceremoniously into their new home “Hey kiddo, what do you say?”

Scarlett looked up and immediately screamed “THANKS YOU, THANKS YOU!” she then shoved the cage into your arms and hugged the weary farmers legs “You’s the bestest!”  
After helping Scarlett catch a few more fireflies we headed home to show our parents the new family members that we had gained. It was such a fun filled night for your baby sister that she had worn herself out and you offered her a piggy back ride just to make it home. She agreed and two minutes later was passed out on your back.  
******************************************  
A small shuffling noise from behind you scared you away from your memory and back into reality. While engulfed in your thoughts you must have moved from the corridor to a bench in the courtyard to get a better look at the stars. In one swift motion you stood up from the bench, drew your wand, whirled around, and shot off a disarming spell with out saying a word. 

Professor Snape was blasted in the face with what looked like an extreme gust of wind and his wand went flying from the innerworkings of his dark black cloak.   
You dropped your wand and both of your hands went flying up to cover your mouth. Snape stood there for a moment with his eyes closed resulting from the random magic that had just assaulted him. He took an (annoyed) deep breath in and then slowly opened his eyes as he let it out. 

You stared at each other for a minute and then he said “Never mind” and began to turn back into the corridor and walk away. He bent down and grabbed his wand from off the ground, and then he began to walk again. You couldn’t help yourself as you started breathing quick heavy breaths through your nose… that then turned into snickering… that THEN turned into full on laughter. 

Snape stopped dead in his tracks “I’m sorry” he said, sounding a bit irritated “but I don’t see how your quickness to jump to a conclusion is funny.” 

You calmed down for just a second as he began to walk again. “No no… I’M sorry… the look on your face was just so priceless and cute I can’t help it!” You began laughing hysterically again and once you finally called down again you noticed that he was gone. Damn, that was too good. 

You tried to think about the moment again. “If I could just relive that moment anytime I was feeling down I would never be upset again!” You hoped he didn’t hear the part about him being cute though… because that was a total accident and such a rookie mistake! You couldn’t believe that you’d let that slip out. But honestly, it was the truth. He looked really good in the moonlight and his face shape actually has a really beautiful structure to it when his longer black hair isn’t hiding too much of it.

Finally gathering yourself, you looked at the time. “Oh shit!” You had spent about an hour day dreaming… again. “Jesus.. I really have to stop doing that.” Booking it back down the corridor you made it back to your room and changed out of the day clothes you were wearing and put on something that was a bit warmer. Sitting outside at the end of fall/beginning of winter without a jacket or cloak was not the best idea you’d ever had. Snape must have been coming to tell me that I was running late. You could feel yourself blushing a little bit at the thought of him again. He was such a mysterious guy. Normally you’d be like “screw this guy he’s and ass!” But there was a certain something about Severus Snape that drew you to him. Like a moth to a flame. Your face began to burn warmer the longer you thought about him. And for a moment you let that warmth flood your whole body. “I would so love to just…” you stopped yourself there. “NO! absolutely not!” You are a professional now! You’ll be damned if you act like a fool over a guy. No no, that’s definitely not going to happen. And honestly, this time, for a moment, you thought you meant it.  
************************************  
Power walking down the corridor again you made it just on time to the meeting. Snape was at the opposite side of the headmaster’s office where it had been determined we were to meet. You stared him down until finally he looked up at you and your eyes met. He didn’t linger there long, he quickly averted his gaze towards Dumbledore who had been speaking about some weird goings on at the castle lately. You, however, couldn’t remove your eyes from his cheek where it looked as if a little color had risen to his cheeks. For just a moment, you tore your eyes away from him to look around. Thankfully, no one else seemed to notice and you weirdly relished in the thought that the moment was just for you. It was all yours and yours alone. 

*clears throat* “Ms. Y/N…” You were so caught off guard by the sound of your own name that you actually jumped a bit. Looking at Dumbledore you responded with “Ummm… I’m sorry… What?” A bunch of others around you snickered under their breath. “I said,” Dumbledore said again “Do you, too, agree with this motion?”

“Oh! I… uhhhh…” You looked around the room for some form of help from anyone, but no one seemed to be picking up on your distress signals. Your gaze finally, again, landed on the handsome man in the black cloak. He was staring at the floor but as soon as your eyes had landed on him he almost instinctively lifted his head to you. He gave you a very slight, almost undetectable shake of his head. “No sir, I don’t agree.”

Dumbledore spent the rest of the meeting talking about Peeves and the issues we need to resolve with him. But as was the new normal, your attention was focused on Snape. The only difference this time, was that his attention was also 100% undeniably right back on you. For the rest of the meeting you both stayed just like that.


	12. A Tragedy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work was so slow tonight. So I made another whole chapter!

When the meeting was finally adjourned you struggled to pull your eyes away from the dark black ones staring back at you. Throughout the entire meeting the only thing you could think of was why? Why was he staring at you? Why was he not focused on Dumbledore? Why, and how, did nobody else notice what was going on?!

Of course, you didn’t mind the attention, you just wish you could’ve known if it was the good kind of attention or the bad. You had to try your absolute hardest to concentrate on keeping your mind closed. He was staring at you with such intensity that you could actually feel him trying to get into your thoughts. He must have been wondering the same thing you were… “why the hell is she staring at me?” You knew he was an extremely experienced wizard with incredible magical abilities, but then again, so were you. You weren’t even for a second surprised that he had been trying to use legilimency on you. You used to use it on your sister all the time when you were younger.

As the other professors began to shuffle out of the room you finally broke eye contact and turned to follow. You heard Snape walking the opposite way, towards Dumbledore, and as you reached the threshold you could hear the two talking.

You had to admit to yourself that you were hoping he would follow out behind you. If he had, you could have slowed down in order to be alone with him again. So instead of immediately heading to bed you stood against the wall in the corridor and waited. You weren’t exactly sure what you were going to say to him, but after the attention that he had given to you for the past half hour, he had left you wanting more.

After about 10 minutes or so you could still hear the chatter of the other professor’s up ahead. They must have stopped a little way down the corridor to talk. There was still no sign of Snape or Dumbledore and you began to feel yourself getting tired. You pushed yourself up off the wall and started to walk away. A few steps later you had caught up to the others and as you opened your mouth to join the conversation a very large gust of wind slammed through the castle. A few of the Professor’s struggled to stay upright while Professor Flitwick was thrown violently to the floor. Swooping down to his side you helped him to sit up. He seemed fine other than the little bit of blood that was trickling down from the back of his head at the point where it had made contact with the cold stone floor. You motioned to Madam Pomfrey and she was there in less than a second preforming a spell to heal the gash on his head.

You stood up and asked out loud “What the heck was that?”

A few of the others professor muttered their guesses while you and Professor McGonagall shared a quick look of confusion and worry. “I’ll run back and get Dumbledo—” you were cut off by your own surprise when you turned around to head back to the headmaster’s office. There in front of you, less than an inch away from your face was Snape. Or rather, his chin. He was a pretty moderately tall man, but the top of your head still reached up to about his eye area. “Holy hell, man! Don’t you ever make any noise when you approach someone from behind?!” You said this a lot more annoyed than you meant to, but that was the second time tonight that he had snuck up on you.

He looked down at you, he was so close to you that you could feel his breath on your face, “My apologies.” He said it so gently that you felt bad about yelling in his face. That seemed to be a habit of yours when it came to him. Taking a step back you asked where Dumbledore was. Snape stepped to the side and revealed the headmaster walking collectedly towards the group.

“You felt it too, Dumbledore?” asked Professor McGonagall. He nodded softly to her and then averted his eyes to Professor Flitwick “Are you alright, Filius?” he asked with true concern. Before the small half-goblin had a chance to answer, a second ridiculously stronger blast of wind battered the corridor and this time was followed by a blood-curdling scream. Suddenly you remembered that the professors and staff weren’t the only ones in the castle and your body went ice-cold.

Without thinking or hesitating, you leaped over the Professors that had fallen over by this stronger blast of wind. Taking off down the hall you could hear some of the others running behind you. Their steps disappeared behind you not long after you had started. Since you were the youngest out of all of them it made sense that you were the fastest and most agile. Another scream, louder this time, told you that you were headed in the right direction. It was coming from the student’s dormitories. Passing by some windows on your way, you happened to look outside and scan the area in case it was coming from out there. One more extremely loud scream then confirmed that looking out the windows was the best idea.

On the side of the mountain by the Gryffindor girl’s side you could see a small black shape on the rocks. You continued running until you finally reached a door. You ran along the side of the castle, which was the easiest way to travel up the mountain if you weren’t going through the castle itself.

The closer you got, the more you could see what was going on. Tons of sheets had been tied together in an effort to sneak out of the castle. Two girls were already in a boat on the lake at the base of the mountainous cliff. A third girl was about halfway down the mountain and she was clutching the rocks for dear life. Her left leg hung off the rock in an odd and unnatural shape while she held onto a single sheet and a few more rocks with her hands.

The long train of sheets that had been tied together didn’t even reach a third of the way down to where her final destination had lain. The previous girls must have accidentally loosened the knots that kept the sheets together on their way down.

You tried to pick up your pace as the mountain gained an incline. The girl saw you and immediately started screaming for help. You were so close, but still so far from her and it was killing you to see the position she was in. The part of rock that she had been sitting on was cracked from her fall and the and holds she was grasping on to were too small for her hands. You were terrified that the rock would give way and if it did, she was falling 300 feet straight into sharp rocks. Your stomach lurched at the thought.

You tried to calm her down and tell her that everything was going to be just fine. But the girl continued to scream and move around on the tiny pedestal that she was on. You reached for your wand… but it wasn’t there. What the…? Suddenly it dawned on you that you had changed before the meeting. You never put your wand back into your winter jacket! At that very moment you heard a loud crack and your fear had come true. You watched the rock tumble out from under the girl. She let out another scream and her fingers slipped from the handholds. The two girls in the boat and the girls looking down from the open windows of the dormitory all screamed too.

Just before she hit the rocks a wand flew past the right side of your head. A spell was shot towards the girl and she flew to the right, away from the rocks and out into the lake. Snape was standing directly behind you, breathing heavily. He had his left hand on your left shoulder while the other was out stretched past the right side of your head holding his wand. “Oh, thank god!” you said to him with pure joy. You twirled around and squeezed him into a giant hug. You could feel how tired he was from the run as soon as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He leaned into you slightly and you knew it was more to keep himself standing rather than anything else, but you still enjoyed it nonetheless. “You seem to just have the perfect timing tonight, don’t you!”

You heard the girls still screaming behind you. Letting go of Snape you asked, “Why are they still freaking out?” When you turned around to see what the problem was you picked out the issue immediately. “Where is she?” The girl had not come back up from underneath the water. You looked towards the girls in the boat who were still freaking out. One of them noticed your stare and yelled up to you “She can’t swim!!!”

Your heart sank and for a moment you felt like you were about to throw up. You couldn’t lose another young girl. Not again. You looked at Snape, “When I tell you to, do exactly what you just did to that girl. Only this time you’re going to do it to me.”

“What?” he responded, obviously dumbfounded. 

“You heard me… When I jump do that spell again.” You shrugged your jacket off your shoulders and let it slide down your arms onto the ground. You continued to shed layers of clothing because you knew that as soon as you hit the water, your clothes would be too restricting, and they would slow you down. Catching a glimpse of the man next to you, you stood up straight and looked at him. “Ready?”

His eyes widened and he flung his head up and away from you. “Oh, chill out!” you said. He didn’t move, and you could see, again, that his cheeks were gaining color. Only there was lot more of it this time. Cute!

“Snape, please! We don’t have time for this!” you pleaded.

His head turned back to you and his eyes focused on your feet. He snapped his gaze up to your face, probably trying to keep from seeing your half naked body in front of him. “Ok” was his simple, quiet response.

You gave him a small nod, turned, and dived off the side of the cliff. You didn’t actually worry about your own safety until you felt the speed at which you were falling. As you neared the rocks at the bottom of the mountain you stiffened up. You trusted Snape and his abilities, so you had to do your part to be ready for the water and the shock of how cold it would be. 

Point two seconds later you felt the same gust of wind that you had felt in the corridor. The students must have been attempting this spell to help the girl before? It threw you to the right and you plunged into the water with a perfect dive. The moment that your body hit the water it seized up and you couldn’t move. Your body slowly began to float towards the surface as you tried to remain calm. Once your head reached the surface, you gasped for air and told yourself to breathe slowly and deeply before going back down again. 

Once you had composed yourself a bit you dove back down. The water was dark, but the clear sky gave you a bit of help seeing the girl sinking towards the bottom of the lake. Swimming as fast as you could you finally reached her. You were running out of breath quickly, so when you grabbed her arm you didn’t hesitate for a second with making your way back to the surface. The young girls extra weight was no surprise to you, but you weren’t expecting to have slowed down SO much. You kept swimming and swimming and it didn’t feel like you were getting anywhere. The surface hadn’t moved any closer at all. You turned your head to look at the girl as you tried to get a better grip on her arm. She was unconscious which now made sense as to why she felt like a dead weight, but you knew that you had swam with heavier things in your arms before. By the girls legs you saw something shiny wisp by. What the was that?

Seeing as the dark was one of your few biggest fears, you didn’t want to hang around and find out what it was. You tried again to jerk the girl up towards where the bottom of a small boat had just appeared at the top of the water. The girl still wouldn’t move. You were starting to realize that if you held your breath for too much longer you were going to pass out too. You made the very difficult decision to release her and try again. Taking one more look down at the girl you saw her floating helplessly. The thing that really kicked you into gear was, not knowing that you could lose her at any second, but the face that you had caught a glimpse of just below her. It was staring at you. At first you thought it was just a fish, but then you saw its seaweed-like hair and its webbed hands holding on tightly to the girl’s ankles.

You freaked out just a little bit more than you knew you would ever admit in the future if the two of you made it out of this. You let her go and swam as fast as you could to the surface barely breaking the water before you tried to gulp in air. Grabbing the side of the boat that the two girls had rowed out, you choked and coughed on the bit of water that had managed to make it into your windpipe. The two girls let out a little squeak of fright when you came out of the water at them. “YOU!” You managed to scream at one of the girls between coughing fits. The girl gave you the same look that you used to give your mother when she used your middle name. A look of pure terror mixed with “Oh shit, what’d I do this time?!” 

“Give me your wand!” you demanded.

“I… I don’t have it…” she lied.

“You expect me to believe that you tried to sneak out of the dorms… in the middle of the night… into to a boat on the lake… to go WHO KNOWS WHERE… without a wand?! I don’t think so. Give. Me. Your freaking. Wand!” In the chaos of the situation you hadn’t had time to focus on the two girls who had obviously started this whole thing. 

The girl hesitated. She then slowly started to reach into her coat pocket. Big fat tears started to roll down her cheeks as she pulled out her wand and held it in her plump hands. The fact that she started crying over her wand and not her, possibly drowning, friend annoyed you. “Would you quit crying over your wand?! You have a friend who is in serious trouble right now! This is a life or death situation!” You made a move to reach into the boat and snatch the wand from the girl. She screamed and pulled back, causing the boat to rock violently and almost capsize. “Would you stop it!!” You yelled at her. “Give me the damn wand!” The girl’s friend reached into her own jacket and handed you her wand instead, “Here Professor Y/L/N! I’m so sorry! This is all our fault.” Without giving the girl another look, you cast the bubble-head charm and flung her wand into the boat before diving back into the freezing cold water.

For a moment you couldn’t find the girl and you worried that the creature you had seen before had taken her away. You scanned to the left. Nothing. You scanned to the right. Still nothing. So, you decided to descend a little bit before looking around again. THERE!! You spotted her at the very bottom of the lake. She was tangled in a so much seaweed that it was no secret as to why you didn’t see her right away. 

You looked around again to see if there were any more of those creepy creatures lurking. But, you didn’t see any. Swimming down to the unconscious student you surveyed her situation. It looked like that creature had actually tied her into the seaweed. Luckily it was a sloppy job and you were able to free her pretty swiftly. You took a deep breath, put your face close to hers and moved the bubble-head charm over to her. Without the extra weight of the creature clinging to her legs she was easier to float towards the top of the water. 

Breaking the surface, you called to the girls who were still waiting for you in the boat. The chubbier one was still clinging to her wand and crying, but the other one immediately jumped into action and started rowing towards you. You instructed her to use the levitation charm to get her friend into the boat. She obeyed and performed the charm perfectly on her first try. When she asked if you wanted her to do the same for you, you shook your head. “This boat is too small to fit me along with the three of you. I need you to get her to shore as quickly as you can. Get her help and then get inside and wait for your head of house.” You spoke to this second girl with a bit more of a calm tone because you were a bit less mad at this girl for keeping her head on straight.

As the girls rowed off towards the shore you swam at a steady pace behind them. Of course, they reached the shore much faster, but you’d rather it be that way. You took your time swimming back and when you finally got close to the shore you could see the two girls in the boat were gone, the other professors had caught up and were gathered around the still unconscious girl. 

The swim was so long, cold and tiring, that once you finally returned to land you just flopped onto the rocky sand and lay there. Now that you had come down from your adrenaline high you couldn’t even think about lifting so much as a finger. You closed your eyes and tried to calm your breathing down. 

“You are a little bit crazy, you know.” You heard a familiar voice above you.

You turned your head to see Snape standing over you. He stooped down and helped you too your feet. You were so physically exhausted that you couldn’t stand on your own and fell back to your knees. “I’m sorry,” You said to him with a small laugh. “I just can’t get my legs to work with me right now.” Smiling up, you watched him remove his cloak and swing it around you. He laid it to rest on your shoulders and then pulled it closed over your still heaving chest. You looked at him a bit surprised that he didn’t just throw your original clothes at you and walk away. He lifted his head a bit too and caught your gaze. 

Raising his hand, he gently slid it behind your head and under your hair to lightly remove it from the back of your neck and from inside the cloak. Then he moved his hand to the front and slowly removed the soaking wet hair from sticking to the sides of your face. For a moment, you both stayed there like that. His hand on your frozen cheek, you just stared at each other without exchanging a word. It took everything in you not to just lean in and kiss him right then and there. After this thought he stood and helped you up again. The others had left by now and you realized that you and Snape must’ve been there with each other for longer than you thought. He tried to walk you towards the castle, but your legs continued to give out. Eventually he got annoyed, as he always does. He threw your arm over his left shoulder, placed his left hand on your back and used his right arm to swoop under your legs. 

As he carried you into the castle you apologized profusely. He didn’t say a word as he continued to walk. Eventually, losing the last of your energy, you shut up and fell asleep in his arms not even caring that he was going in the opposite direction from your room.


	13. Sneaking Under the Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh y'all! I can't even begin to explain how freaking excited I was to see your comments! I'm so happy to know that everyone is enjoying it so far! Also... has anyone else gotten the new Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery app?? Because if not, you totally should, it's awesome! Plus it's helping remind me about Snape's over all demeanor which may or may not return after this chapter! But who knows? I guess you'll just have to wait and see!!

Yawning and stretching you pulled your blankets up to your chin and snuggled deeper into the warmth they gave you. Cold nights were always your favorite to sleep through. There was just something so wonderfully calming about being piled under a hundred pounds of comforters and soft sheets. Sleepily, you reached out of your cocoon of warmth to give Smokey a scratch behind the ears. When your cold hand didn’t make contact with the fuzzy little head of your cat you opened your eyes. All you could see was black. Did I close the curtains before going to bed? You rattled your brain for a minute, trying to remember what happened before going to bed. Then you remembered that you didn’t even have curtains on the windows in your room. You immediately shot straight up and felt the pain and exhaustion that ran through your body. You were obviously in a bed… somewhere… you just weren’t sure where?

You tried to think harder. What was today? Oh wait! “Snape?” you called out.

Nothing happened.

You called again, a little louder this time. “Snape? Are you here?”

Off in the distance you heard a small clattering and then saw a very dim strip of light on what you assumed was the floor. Gentle steps made their way towards you as you sat up waiting for him. You heard an old door handle turning and then the squeaking of hinges. Snape pressed the door open and you saw the dim golden light from his candle light up part of the room. There were no windows from what you could see and other than the bed, that you were sat now shivering in, there was not much more furniture.

“I’m sorry,” Snape began, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

You looked at him for a minute and took in the sight of the candle light dancing on his face. The more time went on, the more attractive he became to you. You thought back to when you had your very first encounter with him. You were both in the dark there too. But, here the candle light wasn’t giving weird shapes and definition to him.

“No! I didn’t hear a thing. I just woke up randomly. Where am I?” you asked him.

He looked at you for a moment and then answered “You’re in my room. I was going to take you to the hospital wing, but you became too heavy for me to make it there.”

“Ummm… Excuse me?!” For a moment you got extremely offended.

“I-uh… That’s not what I meant…” He spluttered out. “I’m not very strong”

You couldn’t stay mad at him. He looked like a little kid who had just told his mom no for the first time. Laughing you said “It’s ok Snape. And I’d beg to differ, from what I’ve seen you’re very strong! Mentally as well as physically.” You gave him a little wink. Suddenly you remembered how cold you were. Lifting the blankets, a bit, you looked down at what you had on. You were still wearing the cloak, bra, and underwear that you had used as a swimsuit to jump into the lake with. You threw yourself back against the matrice and pulled the covers up again.

“Are you alright?” Snape asked

“I’m very sore” You said as the pain from the random spastic motion caught up to you. “But I’ll be ok. It’s also freezing in here! Do you live in an icebox?!”  
Snape finally left the doorway and entered the room. He walked up to the bedside table and placed the candle down. He stared down at your eyes peeking out from underneath the blankets and, for just a moment, you thought you saw hint of a smile spread around the corners of his lips. Of course, it was gone before you could adjust yourself to get a better look.

He moved to the other side of his bed and pointed his wand at what you originally thought was a blank wall. Immediately there was a roaring fire in a previously disguised fireplace built into the wall. He turned back around to face you and stood silent for a moment, just staring at you blankly.

“Can I help you?” you asked jokingly.

Snape shook his head and walked towards the bed again. He sat on the edge of the bed and set his wand down next to him.  
You laid there for a moment, wondering what to say. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“That was a question…” He sounded like his usual self again and you were a bit upset about it. It was weird to you how sometimes he showed interest and then other times he seemed to throw up a wall. A brick wall. Covered in spikes. Dipped in poison. Surrounded by a moat. Full of sharks. With bombs strapped to their backs…

“Y/L/N?”

You looked at Snape and he was staring back at you. “What?” you asked confused.

“You just stopped talking… again.” He answered plainly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Look I feel like it’s been long enough. So, I’m giving you my permission to use my first name!” Joyfully you turned off your back and onto your side to face Snape on the bed. You shivered from the cold that hit your back when you moved the covers with you. Snape must’ve noticed this because he immediately grabbed his wand and closed the bedroom door where the draft was originating from. Then he stood and walked over to a closet next to the fireplace. He opened the door and a few bottles, of what you assumed were potions, fell from the upper shelves. Without picking them up he reached into the closet and pulled out another blanket. A large, thick, black one that looked like heaven to you in that very moment. He turned again towards you and ignored the bottles that were still rolling around on the floor. Snape reached the bed and set the blanket down next to your head. Of course, the blanket that you thought must’ve had a regular color to it, was in fact, still black outside of the shadows from the fireplace.

“Thank you.” You said kindly to him while flashing a big smile. “And, since you’ll be using my first name from now on, I think it’s only fair that I use yours as well!” You gave him a hopeful look as he sat back down sideways to face you on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t think so.” He responded. Until you had suggested this, his eyes were on you the whole time. But now, he looked into the fire, in an almost longing manner.

“That’s ok, I DO think so.” You said gently. “I don’t know what’s bothering you, but I’m a really good listener. You should really let me in. I think we could help each other.” The last two sentences you said sounded and felt vaguely familiar too you, but you couldn’t remember why?

Snape turned his head back to your face that laid coolly on his pillows. For a moment he seemed to be regarding you. Almost searching your face for something. Why, again, does this feel familiar? “Severus.” You said it quietly, hoping he wouldn’t look away again. He didn’t. “It feels nicer to me to use Severus instead of being so formal. We are friends now, aren’t we?”

Severus drew in a long breath and held it for a moment before releasing and annoyed sigh “I suppose so. You, for some reason, don’t seem to be being letting me alone any time soon.” You smirked and let out a small breathy laugh at his constantly changing attitude towards you. Sounding a bit quieter this time, you guessed he was starting to get tired and you finally noticed that you were too. You were exhausted and still freezing. All of your muscles were sore, and you couldn’t believe how hard it was for you to sit up. After struggling for about a second or two Severus jumped up to help you. Why is he so confusing?

After sitting back up again, your body began to shiver almost instantaneously. “Severus, I hate to bother you again. I know You’ve done so much already for me. But, my hair and my clothes are still soaking wet.”

He said nothing to you, but instead nodded his head and moved towards yet another door that you hadn’t seen before. It was on the opposite side of the fireplace from the door where he had acquired the giant black blanket. He opened the door and reached in. He pulled out a change of muggle clothing that was, obviously, black. Placing it on the bed he instructed you to change and then let him know when you were finished. After he closed the door to the bedroom behind him, you made to reach for the clothes he had left you. Your body was so sore that it took you a few tries before you could even stand up. With difficulty, you finally succeeded in taking off the cloak that Severus had given you. You placed it carefully on his bed and smiled when you remembered how sweet he was when he had wrapped it around you. Then you took off your bra and underwear and put on his clothing in its place. Even though you thoroughly enjoyed the thought of Severus Snape and you enjoyed being around him AND even in his room… It made you feel very uncomfortable to be momentarily naked in his room. You slid your unmentionables under his bed with your foot. You thought that it was a bit funny being worried about him seeing them, especially considering he had just basically watched you strip in front of him earlier, revealing the lacy details of your undergarments. Clutching the shirt that lay over your otherwise bare chest, you took a deep breath in and reveled in the scent. A musty yet manly intoxicating smell rose up to your nose.

You moved an equivalent to sloth level slowness towards the fireplace and took in its warmth for a moment before calling the handsome but troubled man back into the room. He seemed a bit surprised to see you by the fireplace and not by the bed. You smiled at him and said nothing as you turned to face the fire again, with your back facing towards him. You heard him close the door again and move over to remove the cloak from off the bed. He stood there for a minute and you wondered what he was doing. For a second you thought about turning around to investigate, but before you could do that you heard movement behind you. Slow steps made their way up to your back where they stopped. You turned your head ever so slightly to the left. Then you waited, your heart began to beat a bit faster than normal and you were hoping he couldn’t hear it.

Severus placed his left hand on your left shoulder, like he had done earlier that evening. With his right hand he draped the cloak over a few hooks on the fireplace. Using his left hand again, he softly turned you around to face him. Your heart jumped when you looked up at his face and found him looking back down at you. He took another deep breath in, but he let it out slowly and calmly this time.

“I think we must get your hair dry now…” He paused for a minute and looked back and forth between your eyes before continuing. “Before you catch your death.” He said all of this almost in a whisper and once again you found yourself just wanting to lean into him and make out with his face. He pushed your still wet hair back away from your face and off your shoulder.

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” That’s all you could say before he tried to help you back towards the bed. Again, you moved very slowly, and he got a bit impatient with moving at a glacial pace. He eventually swept you off your feet again and carried you effortlessly to his bed. You were extremely grateful for the darkness of his shadow on your face. As soon as he had picked you up your face flushed, what you assumed, was the brightest red it had ever been.

Carefully, he sat you down on the edge of the bed and picked up his wand again. Pointing his wand at the wet spot on the bed where you had been sleeping earlier. “Tergeo.” He flicked his wand and the water was immediately siphoned out of the sheets. He placed his wand on the bedside table next to the candle he had placed there earlier. Leaning down slightly he blew it out and then remade the bed, adding the big, giant, black, fluffy comforter as the last layer. He then reached into the bottom drawer of his night stand and pulled out the only item that lay inside. A hairbrush. “Would you like assistance with this?”

You were surprised to see that he had a hairbrush until you remember that he has somewhat longish hair. You still ended up laughing a little bit to yourself before saying “I don’t know why, but I’ve never quite imagined you as a guy who brushed his hair!” You immediately regretted it because the look on his face after your remark made you feel terrible.  
“I never imagined you as a girl who had anger issues.” He retorted.

Putting your head down, you tried to hide your embarrassment at the memory of casting a tangling curse on him. “I am sorry about that by the way.”  
“It’s fine.” His voice was a regular tone again. Lifting your head up to meet his gaze again he asked again if you needed help. Unfortunately, you couldn’t lift your arms at all, so you just nodded to him.

Severus climbed onto the bed behind you and gently took hold of your milk chocolate brown hair. You were fully prepared to have every hair on your head ripped out by that brush and without even meaning to, your tensed your body. However, your worry was for nothing. He was extremely gentle and took great care in the way he ran the brush through your long locks. 

You couldn’t believe how gentle he was with your hair. It was almost funny, to you, that he basically knew exactly what he was doing. But, he was SO good at it that your fight to stay awake was quickly diminishing. Having someone else, let alone Severus, was the most relaxing thing you could think of. You could feel your eyes growing heavy and you almost slipped off the edge of the bed, but Severus grabbed you before you fell. 

“I’m sorry!” you said sleepily.

“It’s ok,” he replied again. “We’re almost done and then you can go back to sleep.”

He began running the brush back through your hair and you spoke again. “So, how’d you get so good this?” You wanted it to sound a bit playful and joking, but you were so tired that it came out sort of monotone and distant. Severus faltered for a moment with the next stroke of the brush but didn’t respond. 

“Did it belong to her?” You knew that you may have been crossing a line at that moment, but you were curious and a bit delirious from the effort of trying not to pass out and fall face first on the floor like an idiot. 

“Who is her?” he asked plainly.

“The girl you lost? I don’t know if it was a sibling, mother, or maybe a lover? I just know you’re still hurting from something.” 

Severus finally stopped brushing your hair and grabbed his wand again. He made another flick of his wrist and used the Tergeo spell again. Immediately after the word had escaped from his lips you felt yourself warm up just a little bit. He placed his wand back on the nightstand and pulled you back onto the right side of the bed. This was the side closest to the fire, so it made sense to you that he would keep you close to it. He pulled the blankets out from under you and then back up over you to your chin where you had them placed before. You closed your eye’s and listened to him move about the room. Walking over to the fire and drying his cloak, placing the brush back into the bottom drawer, pacing, sighing, pacing again and then finally… speaking. 

“Yes.”

You opened your eyes slowly to look at him. “What?”

“Yes” he said. “To answer your question. It belonged to a very… very close friend.”

As you began to finally drift you heard yourself ask the same question that you dreaded people asking you. “What happened to her?”

Severus continued to pace slowly in front of the fire as you observed him. Waiting a bit longer than you would’ve liked, he finally answered again. “She died.”

Your heart went out to him and you wanted so badly to jump up and run to him when he said this. His face flooded with hurt and his body movements because more sluggish. Unfortunately, though, your body had just hit its breaking point and you began falling asleep. You said almost in a whisper “I’m so sorry, Sev.”

You used the last of your strength to say this to him and right before you closed your eyes you saw his head snap up and he quickly turned from the wall he was pacing towards. He stared at you like he had seen a ghost… and then he was gone. On the other side of your eyelids and on the outside of your dreams. 

********************************************************

Severus’ POV  
Severus sat in his study. He had more goings on happen tonight than he had experienced in a very long time. He still loved Lily, of course, but there was something about this other girl that left him wanting more. He wanted to pretend to remain indifferent towards her, but after the gentleness and time he had displayed towards her this evening he was unsure if that was possible now. He thought about watching her swim the length of the lake and shook his head when he realized that he did nothing to help her. Remaining indifferent, at that time, obviously didn’t help anyone. But… once she reached the shore no one else seemed to even notice. He looked around for a second hoping that someone would see her and do something. She lay there helplessly, almost gasping for breath on the sand. She looked like a fish out of water. It was pathetic. He noticed that she was shivering and couldn’t stand the sight of her laying there half naked, freezing, and exhausted. Especially not after being so selfless when it came to saving that student.

He had moved towards her and eventually got her to start moving. She was so physically and mentally strained that she couldn’t move at even a steady, slow pace. For some reason, this had annoyed him. He had just decided to pick her up and carry her inside. Surprisingly, she was lighter than he had expected. She wasn’t a short girl, so he had expected her to be a lot heavier. As he walked through the castle he realized for the first time how thin she actually was. She wasn’t large weight-wise either and he knew that before. But the winter clothes that she had been wearing made her look larger than she truly was. 

Her head rolled onto his shoulder and he asked her if she was ok. When she didn’t answer he stopped dead in his tracks in the corridor and called her by name. She didn’t answer again, but instead breathed deeply and nestled her head into his chest. 

Severus felt his face flush a bit at the thought of her young face snuggled up and sleeping against him. She had looked so peaceful and calm while he was holding her. When he was about halfway down the hall he realized that he had went away from her room and he was still pretty far away from the hospital wing. Although she was light, he wasn’t used to holding any sort of weight for an extended period of time. He decided to stop by his own room for just a moment to rest his arms. 

He placed her on his bed and moved out of the room, closing the door behind him, to sit in his study for a while. However, at some point he must have dosed off because he was awoken by her calling for him. He remembered shaking his head and immediately standing to make his way towards her, knocking over a stack of books that sat next to him.   
When he got to the room he had no idea how long the two of them had be sleeping. He pretended like he had been awake the whole time. From then on, he had helped her get comfortable despite her obvious exhaustion and the pain she was in. The whole time he had felt extremely conflicted. There was no doubt in his mind that this girl was something special. But he had made a vow… a promise… to never stop loving the red-headed girl who had befriended him as a child. Sitting in his study now he felt like he had two separate people in his head. The one who was never going to forget his devotion to Lily Evans. And the other one who yearned to know more about the beautiful young woman who was now sleeping peacefully in the other room… Y/N. 

He raised his forearm from the arm rest and placed his fist to his forehead while letting out a slightly frustrated sigh. “Lily, you’ve truly left me in the vilest of predicaments.” He tried not to think about her since the last time he had allowed himself to relive a memory. The memory had changed from what he knew to be reality. He was afraid of any more of them changing. However, he still tried to think about Lily’s face again. But what he had worried about was true. He couldn’t think about the curve of her face or even the striking color of her red hair. He could only see brown hair. Light freckles. Soft brown eyes. A sweet smile that challenged both him and the wall he had built to distance himself from people. Y/N, he thought, was ruining everything for him. Not to mention she had called you the one thing that Lily had trademarked for him when they were kids. “Sev” he said out loud to himself. But yet, she’s set a spark in him. He can’t get her beautiful, kind, smiling face out of his head.


	14. First Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been awhile. Sorry it’s also not a long chapter. I haven’t been in the mood lately to write. My boyfriend (of a little over 2 years) and I broke up and I’ve been really struggling lately. Hopefully I can get my shit together lol. There’s a bit of strong language in this one.

The next morning you woke up in complete darkness. Immediately you felt then pain from the night before and let out an annoyed “ugghhhhh”. Although you were sure it was the next day, you couldn’t tell what time. Since Severus had no windows in his room it was hard to imagine it was any time BUT evening. You attempted to roll over and sit up. Bad idea. As you rolled to the right, not only did pain course through your entire body, but you rolled right off the bed and fell to the floor with a loud *BANG*. 

“Mother fuuuuuuu.....” you said painfully. 

You heard the door open from the other side of the bed and again, just as it did last night, light flooded into the room. At first there was just silence as you imagined Severus staring at the empty bed, probably quite confused. Then you heard his footsteps cross the room towards the spot where you lay crumpled like a sad lame horse waiting to be put out of its misery. “Well this isn’t embarrassing or anything...” You hoped that if he was going to judge you then he would at least have the courtesy to do it silently. 

As he continued towards you heard him flick his wand and candles immediately came to life all over his room and you could finally see the mysterious place that you had been comfortably sleeping in all night. On the wall opposite the bed there were two or three shelves filled with books the size of college text books you might buy in America. You wondered if he’d read all of them? On the wall to the right of the bed, where you had fallen, you could now see the intricate details of the gothic fireplace that ran all the way up to the ceiling. It fit well, you thought, with Severus’ aesthetic. It was also framed by the two closets, one on each side, that you had seen him retrieve things from last night. His bed itself was large... VERY large. How the hell did you manage to roll of of it then?! He’ll most definitely judge. You looked up and for a moment your breath was taken away. Above you was a beautiful english gothic peaked ceiling. The arches were placed evenly apart and almost made you feel like you were laying in an old Catholic Church somewhere. You could see from your position on the floor that even the woodwork was exquisitely detailed. “Oh I could look at these forever!” You thought to yourself as the tall wizard rounded the corner of his bed and cane to a stop. 

He stared at you for a moment and then let out his usual annoyed sigh. “How?” Was all he said. Yup... judge-y. You attempted a smile up at him but turning your head was even painful. He rolled his eyes like a father would to his disobedient child, turned around, and began to walk away. 

“Wait! Where are you going?! I need your help!!” You called out to him. 

Severus made no response and instead continued to walk towards the door. Sometimes, you thought, he was kind of annoying with his silence. You listened as he grabbed something off a hook on the wall and began to walk back towards you. He rounded the corner of the bed again and placed a cloak on the side of the bed. Then he bent down next to you and tried to help you off the floor. He was to quick with his actions and you let out an involuntary cry of pain. For a moment he looked a bit worried, maybe even sorry, that he had hurt you. Of course, as always, the emotion left his face after a second or two. He tried again to help move you, but instead of trying to pick you up he began rolling you onto your back carefully. Once he achieved this he stood back up and began walking towards the closet on the right of the fireplace where he had attained the black comforter for you previously. He bent down and picked up the bottles of potions from the floor. He glanced at the labels and placed all of them back except one. Once he returned, he very slowly helped you sit up against the night stand next to his bed. You didn’t realize he had two of them last night. You thought he had just one on the left side of his bed. Normally, you’d be so disappointed in how unobservant you were, but considering the circumstances you weren’t to upset about it this time. 

“Here” Severus held out a small bottle with dark green liquid in it. 

“What is it?” Potions was never your strongest subject. 

“Just drink it.” He replied, rolling his eyes again. 

“Just tell me what it is then.” You retorted annoyedly. You weren’t trying to be rude but the exertion of energy last night must’ve taken a toll of your attitude as well. 

Severus stared at you and you stared back. You could’ve sworn that his scowl grew larger across his face, but you also knew that was impossible since he was already at max scowling capacity. 

“It’s an elixir, it will take your pain away for a little while. Then we can get you to the hospital wing and you can be out of my hair.” He spat out that last sentence and it caught you off guard. Geez... what crawled up his ass and died last night? 

“Fine!” You snatched the potion from his hand, ignoring the pain from the quick motion. Your annoyance towards him this morning began to turn into anger and you were just as willing to get out of there as he was to want you out. You noticed that there was only a very tiny bit of the liquid left in its bottle before you threw it back like a shot of alcohol. You guessed you knew why there was only a bit of it left. If your assumptions were correct then pain is more than just physical. And he had a loss like you did. That must’ve devastated him. 

It only took a moment for the potion to work it’s magic. You handed the bottle back to Severus and stood abruptly. “Thanks for all your help.” You said sarcastically. You didn’t mean to be so rude, but you couldn’t help it. With his constantly changing attitude and your blatant exhaustion from the harrowing swim, you were just already over it today. Grabbing his cloak off the bed you wrapped it around yourself and began to leave. “I’ll bring it back later.”

Professor Snape said nothing as you began to make your way out of the room. Once you had reached the door he said “You’re welcome.” and then under his breath “You ungrateful child.”

Quickly you whipped around. “Excuse me?!” He sat there of the edge of his bed staring at you. He didn’t seem to care that you had just yelled this towards him. “What the hell did you just call me??” 

“Obviously, you heard me.” He replied calmly. 

“You know what...” you didn’t want to say it because you knew it wouldn’t make you feel better but... “You’re an arrogant fucking asshole!” Not even looking at his face to see his reaction you whirled back around and slammed the door behind you. 

Once you were out in the corridor you could see the light from outside pouring into every nook and cranny. As much as you wanted it too.. the sun didn’t give you much comfort today. You walked briskly towards your room and once you got there you slammed the door open and then slammed it closed once you were inside. Smokey, who was laying on the bed before, jumped about a mile high and then ran into the bathroom to hide from the storm of a tantrum you were throwing. You immediately stripped off the clothes that Snape had let you borrow and threw them into a pile in the corner of your room. Then you marched into the bathroom and took a quick shower since you still smelt like lake trout and fish feces. As you began to get dressed you felt the affects of the elixir wearing off. 

You apologized to Smokey, who had settled herself on the bed again and you made your way back out and into the corridor towards the hospital wing. Once you arrived you told Madame Pomfrey what had happened. Careful to leave out any details of that infuriating, insufferable man. No “he helped me.” No “I spent the night in his room.” No “I borrowed his clothes.” And especially no “I screamed in his face and left after he’d helped me with everything.”

Madame Pomfrey gave you a bed in the very back. The one next to her office and promised that you would be feeling better in about a day or two. You thanked her and as the pain began to come back full force you found yourself drifting back off to sleep.


	15. Enough is Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Funny story... My boyfriend and I are back together... I don't know what's going on with my life y'all lol

The couple of days that followed as you sat, bored out of your mind, in the hospital wing were slower than most days. Or at least they felt like it. You were so confused! You thought that you had finally made headway with Severus. Every time you took a new step forward with this mystery man it was like he changed again and y’all would take two steps back! 

While there for the two or three days that passed, you had plenty of visitors! All of the students from your class couldn’t stop talking about how “cool you were when you jumped off that ledge with no fear!” Little did those adorable little nuggets know... but you were terrified of heights... and the moment before you jumped you wanted to have a panic attack! But at the same time a primal instinct kicked in that Madame Pomfrey and Minerva McGonagall liked to tell you was the “Motherly Instinct.” 

“We all have it!” Said Minerva “Its that genuine urge to protect and be there for these young, precious minds!”

You had tried to say that you weren’t a mother, but before you could finish Madame Pomfrey explained that “Every woman who loves children has it!”

You supposed they were right and accepted each student with a big warm smile and a hug if you could muster it! Plenty of them brought you gifts and you’d wished they hadn’t. You thought it was sweet of them, but didn’t quite think you deserved them. There was one gift, however, that you fell in love with and couldn’t keep your eyes off. A large plant with a small flower at the top of its long stem. It had white petals and a yellow lions head as it’s center. It looked like a sunflower but with different colors. It was given to you by Neville Longbottom. Since you had never seen one in real life before you asked him to explain what it was. True, or course, you already knew what it was and how it worked, but you honestly had never seen one for yourself in real life. Neville’s face lit up once he realized you were asking him to teach YOU something! YOU! The Professor! He was delighted! He explained that it was a mood plant! It lives off the feelings of its owner. Depending on how you’re feeling, the plant will feel that way as well. If you’re happy the petals turn yellow. If you’re sad they turn blue. If you’re angry they turn red. Pink, you’re in love and so on. The fun part about this plant is how it matures! Depending on how you treat it, as well as how it feeds off of your emotions. It’s the eevee of all plants! 

You thanked him profusely and told him how excited you were to take care of such an incredible part of the herbology world! After this, Madame Pomfrey ushered the last of the students that had been hanging around out the door of the hospital wing and into the corridor. You waved happily to them as they walked out the door. They were all so sweet! But, as the door began to close.. you saw a figure moving quickly away from the door. 

Oh my god... you thought. Your happiness from the kind gestures of the children melted away swiftly as you noticed the figure of Severus Snape walking the opposite way from the students. HE WAS LURKING! What the hell is wrong with him?! If you were being honest with yourself... you had been waiting for him to show up and check on you at the very least. But instead the coward was hiding outside the room. And then he tried to runaway before anyone noticed him!! 

“Something wrong, Ms. Y/L/N?” Madame Pomfrey had come to the side of your bed away from the door so you hadn’t noticed her approaching. 

You turned and changed your expression slightly to a look of sleepiness. “No! Just a little tired!” You gave her a large, but fake, sleepy smile. 

“Well,” she started “you should be fine after one more full nights rest! So why don’t you turn over and get some sleep for the rest of the night?”

“Oh! Really?” You gave her a look of confusion. “But, It’s only 6:30!” Although you really were a bit tired, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to sleep through the entire night. Madame Pomfrey must’ve known exactly what you were thinking because she pulled a sleeping draught from the pocket in her smock and poured it into a cup of hot tea. She handed it to you and you thanked her. 5 minutes later you were out!

*******************

Finally able to walk around without pain again, you made your way straight to the courtyard! It felt like you hadn’t smelt fresh air in months! You knew that was a dramatic thought, however, since you had only been in the hospital wing for 2 or 3 days. You then went to see Smokey in your room and she greeted you at the door as she always does! A sweet meow and an immediate “Hi mom! Please give me some scratches behind the ear” attitude. 

After teaching your classes for the day you grabbed your coat and walked out to the beach where you had lain just a few nights before. The sun was setting and the evening air was the perfect cool crisp. You sat on the the sand in silence for awhile. You thought of nothing as you watched the sun tucking itself behind the mountains. Eventually you closed your eyes, tilted your head back, took a deep breath and let out a slow sigh. 

You kept you eyes closed and your head back for a bit while you slowly began letting your brain kick itself on again. You were a bit hungry... but you weren’t really in the mood to be around people at the moment. You wanted to sit for a while on the beach and listen to water move slowly from the slight breeze. It was one of those little moments in life. The one where life stood still and you wished you’d never have to leave. 

You opened your eyes again and thought of Scarlett. You smiled when you thought of the hell she would’ve given you for having such a beautiful and calming moment without her. Although you still missed her like crazy, you felt like you were finally, maybe, just ok again. 

Then you wondered about Severus. “I wonder who he lost?” Thinking about him couldn’t make you angry now.. not in the beauty of such an evening as this. You continued to wonder and ponder over him. “I can’t keep letting myself get into situations like this.” You had went after a man similar to Snape, in the sense that he was constantly playing with your emotions. It didn’t end well... you knew that. “Although this time would be different!” You thought as you watched the top of the sun disappear behind hazy blue/black mountains. There was no possible way it could end the same if things were to ever happen you and Snape. After all, your sister wasn’t hear anymore, and she was the reason that you and that other guy weren’t together. 

No... enough is enough and you promised yourself that you would never go through that again. You wouldn’t put yourself through that. If Severus Snape thought this was a game... then you weren’t playing. 

************************

The stroll to Hogsmead was just as beautiful as the sunset. The stars were shining brightly and there wasn’t not a single cloud in the sky. A perfect day altogether. 

As you approached the Three Broomsticks Inn you saw your friend standing outside waiting for you. You rolled your eyes at the pitiful sight of her, shivering in the cold with no jacket or cloak in sight. 

“Adley! You nuthead!” You called to her. She turned her head and her bright red hair shown in the lantern light. You couldn’t understand why she would ever consider dying it black. You were glad you had talked her into going back to her natural color for a while. It suited her! Especially after that blonde she had been so attached to. 

“You’re late!” She called back, sounding mildly annoyed. “And I’m freezing!”

“While it IS pretty much winter now! Why aren’t you wearing a cloak?!” As you scolded her like a mother would to her child, you grabbed her arm and dragged her inside. You walked towards the fireplace and sat her in front of it. “Do you want some Hot Chocolate Butter Beer?”

Smirking she replied “do you even have to ask??”

In the past couple of weeks after you had met Adley, you had started coming to Hogsmead more and more on the weekends to hangout and just talk with her. You had both become best friends and you appreciated her company. 

“So...” she gave you an inquisitive look as you handed her a mug and sat down on the sofa. “How’s the mystery man?” 

You had, indeed, told her about a man that you were interested in. But you refused to tell her who! She had attended Hogwarts and you didn’t want to send off any alarm bells if she knew who he was. 

You told her about the decision you had made tonight on the beach and how you’ve been in almost the same predicament before. You didn’t tell her exactly how everything went down. You weren’t quite ready to bare your soul to anyone just yet. Your whole life is a mess of wronged lovers, tragic loss, revenge, and more. Scaring people off was the opposite of what you were trying to accomplish with the whole friend thing. 

Adley gave you a smile and understanding smile. “I guess some things just aren’t meant to be...” she grabbed your hand to give it a squeeze and then let it go. “SO! You’ll never guess what happened to.....” 

She went on to explain the events of the night before where her roommate did something really stupid again or something like that. You weren’t quite paying attention, but you were so glad she knew how you were feeling and quickly changed the subject. 

*********************

Days began to pass and you stuck steadfast to the promise you made to yourself. You will not fraternize with Severus Snape except, and only except, it is in a business like manner and has the schools interest at heart. At first it was hard. Every time you saw him your heart would immediately begin to beat like a drum and you terrified that he would hear it. You stopped talking to him though. During meals you would eat and then immediately leave with out saying a word. When the two of you would pass in the hallways you would smile towards him but continue to walk. And during staff meetings you wouldn’t even so much as give him a glance. 

At first, he seemed extremely satisfied by this. He continued on grumpily, sulking around corners and making poor, Harry Potter’s life miserable. But as time passed you noticed that he was lingering more after meals. He was slowing down in the corridors and not speed walking past you and during meetings you could feel home staring at you. 

“Oh well!” You thought again to yourself, “he had his chance!”


	16. Christmas is Coming!

As time drew on, your second favorite holiday was getting closer and closer. Christmas! The days were now shorter and the sun that you loved so much seemed to always be hidden by dark rows of gray clouds. Before heading to the great hall for breakfast you showered, dried your hair, and changed into the warmest clothes you had. You muttered to yourself as you continued to get ready for your day. When you moved from the states, you never bought yourself a ton of warm clothes. You were so used to long summers and warm-ish winters that it never occurred to you to buy winter clothes. You walked over to your full length mirror and looked over the outfit that you had on. A chunky mustard yellow knit sweater and dark wash jeans with a pair of black winter boots. You didn’t mind the darkness of the bottom half of the outfit because it matched how the outside world had been looking lately. Grabbing the brush off of your bed, you brushed out your long brown hair. You were hoping to leave in down today as an extra layer of warmth! Sadly though, it was so poufy you felt like you didn’t have a choice. Pulling the hair at the crown of your head back, you started a French braid. You worked the braid, pulling tightly, all the way down the back of your head and finished it off at the bottom of your shoulder blades. Grabbing the hair tie from your wrist you tied off the end and used a few bobby pins to lay down any places that weren’t working with you.

You threw the brush back onto your bed, accidentally scaring Smokey awake. “Oh! I’m sorry little one!” She gave you that “caaaan you not” look and you couldn’t help but giggle. Smokey has so much personality for a cat! It’s too funny! Walking over to the window closest to you, you drew back the new curtains you had bought. They were thick and heavy, and you had made sure to get a very regal set that would match the aesthetic of Hogwarts itself. “Curtains fit for a castle!” That’s what you had told the lady at the home and goods store. It was such a normal thing, but you had never thought about it before, the fact that witches and wizards needed to furnish their homes too. The witch who was helping you brought you to the most beautiful selection of fabrics you had ever seen! You had made a day of it and brought Adley along since you highly valued her opinion. The two of you had went through the selection and you decided on a beautiful red, black and gold Victorian set. Once you had received them you couldn’t wait to put them up! Adley had helped and the two of you sat in silence for awhile just to stare at how gorgeous they were once they were all up. “As much as I love these,” Adley began to say, “I thought you didn’t want to block your view of the Hogwarts grounds and the lake? Plus, you said you loved seeing the sun every morning!” You had smiled and responded quickly “Oh, I freakin’ love the sun! And the nothing compares to that view! But, I also like my sleep on the weekends!” She laughed and nodded vigorously in agreement.

You weren’t expecting to see much more than what you saw every day once you had drawn back the curtains, but as soon as you had barely even cracked them open you gasped in surprise! You tore the fabric to the sides of the windows and a huge smile spread across your face. The view that you had become so accustomed too had changed. Instead of gray grass and bare trees there was a blanket of white, soft snow layering the entire horizon! Of course, you had seen snow before, but you had never seen it like this. It was… magical! Since you had lived in the south in the States, snow was nothing more than a light dusting and it was usually gone by the next day. This snow was different though! It covered everything! The trees, the mountains, the lawns, the castle, and even the lake itself. Since the lake had frozen over recently, the snow and lain itself over it and made the expanse of white look even greater. “How beautiful!” You ran to the other five windows in your room with excitement and threw the curtains back on each and every one, tying them in place so as not to block your view. Even though you had already been in a great mood lately, this had jumped you into pure, unadulterated happiness and joy!

As you left your room, Smokey hopped off the bed and followed you. She knew exactly what time it was. Breakfast time! The both of you trotted happily down the hallway without a care in the world. Down the hallway you saw some of your favorite students huddled around a window. “Good morning you four!” It came out in a very sing-song kind of tone and you liked how happy it made you feel. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Neville Longbottom all turned around and gave you large and inviting smiles! “Good morning Professor Y/L/N!” They sounded just as happy today as you did and that melted your heart. These kids deserved nothing more than all the happiness in the world. 

“Are you four staring at the snow?” you asked kindly. 

“Yes!” replied Hermione “It just started falling again. We were just saying how ironic it is that every first snow of the year feels so… magical!”  
You gave her a little breathy laugh “Well, I was just thinking the same thing!” Smokey meowed at your feet. “Oh! Smokey thinks so too!”  
You all laughed and took one last look out the window before you said “Alright you guys! As much as I would love to stare out this window all day, I think it’s time to go get something to eat before breakfast ends!” They all nodded their heads and scampered off in front of you towards the Great Hall. You watched them go, talking and laughing down the hall, and for just a moment, you felt guilty again. She should be here… Scarlett should have been the one who got the chance to come here. You took a deep breath and allowed yourself to be sad for ten seconds. You counted down. “10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…” Once you got to zero, you put the smile back on your face and continued towards the smell of delicious bacon.

After breakfast was over, you made your way to your classroom, so you could grade some of the written work you had assigned your students last week. As soon as you stepped into the room though, you let out a “Wo” noise. Your classroom was so cold! Maybe, you thought, you should just let it warm up first. You walked into the room and cast Incendio into the fireplace.

While you waited for the room to warm up, you made your way to the kitchen. The house elves that worked there were always confused by your kind nature towards them and it always seemed to put them on edge. Even still, they were excellent hot chocolate makers and today was the perfect day for one! Once, you arrived, the house elves greeted you ceremoniously and immediately set to work with your requests. A peppermint hot chocolate for you and a bowl of warm milk for Smokey. You also wanted to get a snack, but you kept telling yourself not to. This was mostly because you had just eaten breakfast less than an hour ago. They handed you the hot chocolate and hot milk in a container and shewed you out of the kitchen. Since they weren’t used to the kindness, most of them didn’t want you around. You tried to thank them, but they had slammed the door before you could even turn around.

As you walked slowly back upstairs and around the corner into the corridor where your classroom was, you noticed a black figure pacing back and forth at the other end. It was Snape. For the first time in a while, you found yourself really not caring. Instead, you pretended like you hadn’t seen him and walked right into your classroom. You sat down at your desk and conjured up a bowl and a mug. You poured Smokey’s milk into the bowl and set it next to her on floor. She quickly (and frantically) flipped herself off her back and turned herself towards the bowl and away from the fire. It was gone within a moment or two and, of course, she was curled back up in front of the fireplace and laying on an old cushion that you had picked up from a sale in Hogsmead. You sat back down and tapped the thermos with your wand and the liquid inside changed from the hot milk to the hot chocolate.

You took a sip and it burned the roof of your mouth. You had never been patient enough to wait for hot chocolate to cool down. You always got too excited and as a kid you always tried to chug it immediately. Obviously, you decided that was a bad idea after multiple times of basically destroying your mouth and having your mother try to magic it back together! Now though, you didn’t have your mother to fix things for you, so you sipped your drink slowly and savored it.

*Knock, knock, knock*

For the past 20 miutes or so, you had been sitting in silence and the sudden noise of somebody knocking lightly at your door had made you jump a bit! You took a second to stand up because you were laughing too hard to get a grip.

*Knock, knock, knock*

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” You called out to the visitor on the other side of the door. 

Opening the door you weren’t surprised to see who was on the opposite side. “Hello, Snape.” You said it plainly so as not to sound too interested. Not that you needed to try. It probably would’ve come out that way no matter what.

“Hello.” Is all he said. 

“What do you want?!” Is what you wanted to say, but since you were too nice for that you settled on a gentle, “Can I help you with something, Snape?”

He seemed a bit weird every time you called him Snape. Maybe he really HAD wanted you to use his first name? Oh well! He’d had his chance and he blew it. 

“There is a meeting tonight. In Dumbledore’s office. You must be present.” He paused for a minute, but this time you weren’t going to give him anything else, so you just stared at him until he continued. “It’s a parent/professor meeting of some influential people. Some of the parents who are helping to support Hogwarts are threatening to pull their funding from the school.”

You gave him an extremely confused expression. “Hogwarts has school funding?!” You stopped and immediately changed your tone. “Excuse me. That was very unprofessional of me. Let me try that again… I was unaware that Hogwarts had any funding. Why ever have they decided to pull it?”

Instead of Severus rolling his eyes, like you 100% expected him to do, he stood there and shifted his gaze to your empty classroom behind you. “May I come in? The hallway is quite frigid.”

You knew that letting him in was probably not the best idea. However, your hospitable southern roots were telling you to get this poor man out of the cold and in front of the fireplace to warm up! “Please, come in.” You stepped away and opened the door wider to allow him to pass. You moved two chairs in front of the fire and motioned for him to sit. Without answering, he did as you suggested. For a while, you both sat there in silence. 

“I cannot tell you anything about the upcoming assembly.” He spoke in his normal, slow voice.

“Can I ask why you’re here then.” You sighed, trying not to sound annoyed.

“You can.” Another pause. You continued to stare at him and wait, semi-patiently. “I want… I wanted to apologize.”

You held your surprise towards him and simply said “Come again?” Well… that was not as smooth as you’d hoped. 

“I won’t be saying it again Ms. Y/L/N. I understand that I had quite upset you the other night. It was also very bad-mannered of me to not visit you while you were in the hospital wing.”

Thank you? How in the hell does a girl even respond to that? Of course, you had wanted him to show up for you and apologize for being an absolute ass. But… What the hell?!?!?!


	17. The Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Planning on giving some characters slightly more villainous or wicked tendencies! Just an FYI!

“I think you may have misunderstood me.” You said to Snape. “You did frustrate me with your rudeness… again. So, I’ll accept your apology for that, but on the other hand I never expected anything from you while I was in the hospital.” 

Snape’s black eyes stared into yours. He looked kind of hurt even though his face remained impassive. His eyes looked like they were trying to see into your soul in a desperate attempt to see that what you were saying wasn’t true! 

“I mean, it would’ve been nice of you to stop by, but it’s not like I was waiting for you.” Although this wasn’t the complete truth at the time, you knew that what you said was something that you meant whole heartedly NOW. You aren’t wasting your time and sitting around anymore in hopes that he’ll realize how great you are. You already know who you are and that’s what matters. “After all, we’re just colleagues. It’s not like you ever really warmed up to the whole being friends thing. So, I won’t keep bothering you about it.”

For a moment, Snape continued to sit in silence. “It is okay, I don’t mind if that is what you wish.”

You half scoffed/half laughed and responded “I don’t Snape. I don’t want anything from you. I’m sorry if that might sound harsh, but I’ve spent so much time in my life trying to please other people and I just don’t feel like doing that again. You’re a very difficult and complicated man and I have no idea what you want from me… or anyone else for that matter. So, thank you for the apology. It wasn’t necessary, but highly appreciated. I know that you’re a good man and an incredible wizard.” Snape seemed like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was almost comical to you that you could see the emotion that he tried to hide under the mask of indifference. To you, he looked like he was being blindsided by a girlfriend who told him that she wanted to break up. “If you would please tell me what time this meeting is tonight, as your coworker, I would appreciate it.”

Snape told you the time and stood up to leave. He stopped for a moment on the door handle and almost seemed to turn his head like he wanted to say something, but instead he lifted his head, chin up, and walked out. 

Did you really just say all that to him? Did you really not want to be friends with him? After all that he did for you when you couldn’t move after swimming so far through that damned lake? “Remember,” you said to yourself “like you said. You don’t owe anyone, anything.” 

**********************************************

Later that evening, as you walked towards Dumbledore’s office for the meeting, you thought more about your decisions in the past couple of months. You had completely uprooted yourself and moved to take what you knew would be your dream job. You had singlehandedly, got an entire bar to sing into a magical hairbrush and act like young fools, no matter what age they were. You had saved a young girl from a tragic future, or lack thereof. You had created a wonderful lesson plan and gained the respect of your fellow professors and most students. But most embarrassingly, you had let yourself get distracted and waste time on a man who wouldn’t even so much as given you a second thought. Yes, he had helped you when you needed it. But, you had allowed yourself to think when he pushed your wet hair back away from your face that it meant something more than just a man helping his colleague. No more, no less. Him bringing you to his room meant nothing either. Just that he was too tired from all of the running in his effort to keep up with you earlier that same night. You wondered if Scarlett would be disappointed in you. She, being the distant dreamer that she was, always encouraged you when you said you had in interest in someone. But, she was also always the first to point out when someone was not a good match for you. Now that she was long gone, you knew that was something you had to do on your own. This time it should have been super obvious though! Snape has no emotion. And honest to Merlin, why would he ever care about anyone else when he is always too busy brewing (pun intended) in his own goth-like angst. Every time you thought you had seen something in him, like a spark in his eyes or a gentle touch while helping you, was just your stupid overactive imagination doing what it does best. Screwing. You. Over. 

You stopped for a moment in front of a large window to admire the beauty of the moonglow over the expanse of sparkling white winter evening. Sighing, you continued onwards. For once, you weren’t running late, so you were just taking a leisurely stroll towards the other end of Hogwarts where Dumbledore’s office waited patiently for its guests. You couldn’t help but wonder why these parents were threatening to pull their funding from the school for. Did something happen that you missed? You figured most of the parents who would show up tonight were probably also attendees of Hogwarts, back in their day. I guess I’ll just figure it out when I get there. 

As you began to near the Headmaster’s office, you realized that you were still quite a bit early. You looked around to see if anyone else was there yet. There was no one in sight, so you turned to the giant Griffin statue and decided that you’d just wait upstairs with Dumbledore. You always loved your chats with him. He was so wise and kind, and to be honest he was actually quite funny. Or at least when he wasn’t trying to be! You opened your mouth, but no sound came out… You STUPID girl! You smacked your forehead with the palm of your hand. You made sure to ask Snape what time the meeting was at, but you never asked him what the new password was. A rookie mistake. That’s what you get for not paying attention and falling asleep in the last meeting. You almost began to panic until you realized that you were early! Someone was bound to come along soon!

*Click, click, click* 

And speak of the mother effing devil! “My hero” you thought as you turned to see a tall figure at the end of the hall walking towards you. You hoped it was anyone as long as it wasn’t Filch. You could be nice to almost everyone, but that man seriously tested your patience and your will power (to not punch him square in the teeth). As the figure grew nearer, you began to make out foggy characteristics such as height, weight, and build. Nearer still you could see long blonde, almost white hair. And stepping into the moonlit area where the last wall torch was unable to reach you saw the figure was a man! “Wow! He looks just like Draco!” you thought to yourself. But an older more mature and… kind of attractive… Draco?

The man came to a stop right in front of you. He looked you up and down raised his right eyebrow and said, “Shouldn’t you be back in your dormitory?” 

For just a moment, you were pretty offended, until you realized that the man in front of you wasn’t being facetious. He genuinely thought you were a student! You laughed out loud and shook your head. “No, no! I’m the newest professor here at Hogwarts!” 

The man squinted his eyes and brought his face extremely close to yours, so he could observe it. “Ah, yes!” he stated and drew away from your face. You breathed in and reached your hand out for him to shake. “My name is Y/N, it’s so wonderful to meet you Mr.…?” You looked at him, encouraging him to finish your sentence.

The man smiled, gripped your hand and responded, “Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy.” So, I was right! This is that little troublemaker’s father. He leaned down and kissed the top of your knuckles. You were surprised by this because you thought that kind of thing had long since been a dead greeting/tradition. Maybe he’s just old school! “It’s nice to meet you as well Ms. Y/L/N. How has Hogwarts been treating you?” 

“Oh, it’s great! It’s been absolutely wonderful! Exactly what this little American girl always dreamed it would’ve been!” You pulled your hand gently away from Malfoy, he had held it for a bit longer than you were comfortable with. “I always wanted to come here to attend school, but I never would have imagined that I would actually have the talent to be a professor!”

Malfoy raised his right eyebrow again and smirked at you again. “I’m sure you must be if you have been brought all the way here from the States.” The way he was looking at you for some reason made you a little uncomfortable. “What, may I ask, is a young woman like you doing standing alone in this drafty corridor on such a freezing cold winter evening? 

“Ah! Yes, I was just about to go up, but… I got distracted.” You lied. “I was looking outside at the snow and wondering how all the people in North Carolina would handle this kind of winter weather.” You didn’t want to tell Malfoy that you didn’t know what the password was because of how uneasy you felt. “But! Now that we’re both here, why don’t you do the honors?” You looked towards the Griffin and the man gave you another unsettling smile before moving past you to deliver the password.

“Ladies first…” He said bowing towards you and outstretching his hand towards the, now moving, creatures position. You tried to give him a kind smile before passing him and entering the stairway. You were very aware of the fact that Malfoy was right behind you as you ascended the steep staircase and his head was uncomfortably close to your ass! It required all of your strength to not turn around and ask him to “Back the f*ck off!!... please..” You weren’t quite sure what it was about this man that made you feel so uneasy. Maybe it was the fact that he had a very stern/intense face. Yet he was being overly “kind” in spite of the fact that he was a Slytherin. You knew the stories surrounding the house that were clothed in all green. After all, their house mascot was a snake. Nothing, you thought, could be more devious than that. Plus… Snape, in your opinion, had already sullied their poor name for you. You had tried to touch the fire of what you assumed to be a “bad boy” and you got burned. Reminding yourself that you weren’t a child any more, you blinked a few times in surprise that you had just thought of Snape as a “bad boy.” What were you, 15?!

Once you reached the top of the stairs you began walking towards the area that was always designated for staff meetings. Lucius Malfoy followed promptly. He took two long steps and had immediately made himself catch stride with your own footsteps. “So, Ms. Y/L/N, what are you teaching our fine young students here at Hogwarts?”

“Oh! It’s nothing too terribly important. Just an elective course. I don’t have many students in my class since this is only my first semester, but I have had plenty of students that have told me they want to take the class as soon as they can. So, that’s pretty exciting!” You tried to convey your excitement in truth as you said it. This was mostly because you were afraid that this parent wouldn’t believe you. You wanted to make sure that every impression that you had with a parent tonight was a good one (even if they did give off a weird oppressing presence). 

“Come now Ms. Y/L/N,” Lucius took another long two steps. One to gain distance ahead of you, and the other to swing his leg around and place himself in front you and therefore blocking you from the meeting room that was just a couple more steps away. Since he was standing still in front of you, you stopped walking too and gave him a confused look. “I’m sure your class is much more than you are giving it credit for! There had been a few openings here at Hogwarts once you arrived. So please. Indulge me. What class is it that they have brought in a beautiful young woman, such as yourself, to teach to our dear children?” A twisted and malicious smile widened over Malfoy’s face as he payed you the unwelcome compliment. And he put a certain emphasis on the word dear that made you think he was probably not that fond of any children other than his own. 

As you were about to answer the tall man in front of you, you heard a voice call out from behind him. “Well hello, Lucius! We didn’t even hear you come in!” Malfoy turned around at the mention of his name, thus revealing Dumbledore behind him and in return, revealing yourself to Dumbledore. “Oh! And Professor Y/L/N, as well! That’s wonderful! You’re both hear a bit early. But it is better to be prepared for the storm, rather than to regret one’s misfortunes after it is over!” You smiled towards Dumbledore and his weird allusions to real world instances. As you began to draw your eye’s away from Dumbledore and back onto Lucius, you noticed another figure standing beside the headmaster that you had not seen previously. You did a doubletake back to him and said, “Good evening, Professor Snape.” Snape snapped a menacing stare from Lucius and his face became slightly softer when he saw you. He seemed as cold as ever and maybe a little bit irate at something too. He nodded his head towards you, looked back at the other Slytherin wizard with obvious disdain and without saying a word he whirled around and made his way to the meeting room. 

“He’s always been quite the weird one if I do say so myself.” Malfoy said to you. You shook your head at this statement while not moving your eyes from the fleeting wizard and aged headmaster. “Not weird,” you said, “just misunderstood… I think.” You were unconscious to the words that you were saying until after they had come out of your mouth and it was too late to try and choke them back or change what you meant. This snapped you out of your wizard-watching daze and you said “ANYWAY! To answer your question from earlier, I’m the new muggle studies professor!” Even saying it now still made you happy! You! A professor! Sometimes it still didn’t feel real! Closing your eyes, you gave Lucius a big, toothy, child-like smile and moved on into the meeting room without giving him a second glance. Since you didn’t look back, you missed the utter shock that then befell over the wizard. He turned slowly to look at you as you passed, and his horrible smile turned into an evil scowl. 

As more people began to show up for the meeting, Dumbledore called for everyone to be seated. Everyone did as they were invited too. Lucius made the considerable effort to sit right next to you and again you tried to give him a kind smile despite your weird feeling. Minerva McGonagall sat on the opposite side of you. There was a woman and a man sitting in front of you with the reddest hair you had seen in a long time… You guessed that these must have been the Weasleys. Directly behind you sat Snape. He was quiet as always, but at one point he bent down to fix something (probably his shoe, you thought) and both on his way down and then back up he managed to breath down the back of your neck. You tried your best not to shutter, but the very nape of your neck was a very sensitive spot for you. 

As the meeting commenced, you heard plenty of richer parents and poorer parents going back and fourth about the funding of the school. The parents who had the money were upset that they were paying more than the parents who didn’t have as much. Dumbledore tried to explain that the wealthier families didn’t HAVE to pay more money than anyone else if they didn’t want too, but it was definitely a giant help to the school that shaped and molded all of their young adult minds into the wonderful people that they were now. But… against all of his efforts, the families continued to bicker. Lucius was threatening the couple in front of you, who indeed turned out to be the Weasley parents (you were 2-0 on the parent guessing game tonight!), and they were arguing back with all their strength. Minerva was trying to keep two angry fathers from trying to start a duel. Snape was sitting behind you just observing the excitement that was going on. But most importantly, you were sitting silently, trying to come up with a solution that would benefit all parties (rich, poor, parent, student, and the school itself). Finally, after two hours of not getting anywhere, you had a breakthrough! 

You stood and squeezed yourself to the end of your row and walked directly up to Dumbledore. “How do y’all ever figure anything out with all of this fighting going on?” The old wizard chuckled at you, leaned down close to you and said, “We don’t.” He gave you a wink and smiled. 

“I have an idea… may I?” You nodded towards the open floor in front of all of the parents and staff. Dumbledore nodded fiercely. He seemed in a hurry to end all of this nonsense too. 

You tried quietly at first. “Excuse me.” A little louder this time. “May I have everyone’s attention, please?” The only one, other than Dumbledore, who seemed to notice you was Snape. For a moment, he made a motion like he was going to stand up and quiet the room for you, but before as he began to stand, you sucked in all the air you could muster and screamed “WOULD YOU ALL SHUT THE HELL UP?!” You weren’t about to give Snape the satisfaction of feeling like he saved the day for you. The moment after you had yelled, though, you immediately regretted it. The fighting stopped, and the room fell silent. All eyes turned to you. Suddenly, you remembered how much you hated public speaking… and that was probably not the best way to get an entire room of people that you don’t know to pay attention to you. Some first impression, huh…

For a moment you stood there in silence, frozen in fear. The only thing that moved were your eyes as you scanned over the witches and wizards. You caught Snape’s eye and his stare was so concentrated and interested that it gave you the inspiration to keep going. You had never seen him so intrigued or curious looking! “Ok…” you took a shaky breath, “So, I know that many of you don’t know me yet. But, allow me to introduce myself! My name is Y/Full/N. I am the new professor here for Muggle Studies and while I may have just an elective class, I understand a great deal more than one might originally think from just looking at me or from just hearing my position…” You paused for a second. Not because you were at a loss, but because you knew exactly what you wanted to say and happened to be uncertain of how the parents were going to perceive what you were going to tell them.

“It seems to me… rich or poor… that all of your kids are horribly spoiled!” There was an extremely large gasp that flooded through the room. Snape seemed to smirk for half a second and remained to keep an attentive look on his face. McGonagall looked utterly horrified that I had said such a thing, and Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, but looked amused when you looked over at him for approval. He looked at your audience and outstretched his hand in a ‘you better keep going before a mob comes after you’ motion. “But they are spoiled in the best way possible!” you finally continued, “I always had a dream to attend Hogwarts and although it may not have come to pass in the way that I had initially hoped, I still made it here and I am still living in what I can only assume is a fairytale come true! I have had to work hard for everything that I’ve earned since I was a little girl. I was always told that with hard work, comes a brilliant reward. So, if money is the issue right now then why don’t we make some more?” You looked around hoping everyone was on the same page. For the most part they all seemed lost but also interested. “I mean to say, that all of your children have wonderful skills and hobbies of their very own. Why not put them to work for a day? It will give them something to do and we can make it something fun! Like a festival, of sorts! We can have the quidditch teams play two games each and charge for the tickets since most people and creatures don’t get a chance to see them play regularly anyway. The students could set up their own ‘school approved’ booths and sell things that they might find of interest to them. And there is so much more that we could do with that idea! I know that the students would love it! Plus, it would bring the whole community together as well! But, it isn’t just up to me… What do y’all think?”

It felt like you sat there forever waiting for a yes or no from even just one person. They continued to stare at you like you had three heads. But then… A woman began to clap. You caught eyes with her and she had a bright and beautiful smile painted across her lips. It was Mrs. Weasley. Her husband looked at her, looked at you, smiled as well, and began to clap like his wife. Soon Lucius joined in and one by one, you had gotten the entire room to applaud for your first fund raising idea… Now you just had to deliver!!


	18. Unwelcome Attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning***   
> Sexual assualt/harrasment in this chapter

Breathing a sigh of relief, you watched the last of the parents leave the headmasters office. Many of them were going down to the great hall to have a quick dinner with their children and then they would be heading home. Dumbledore congratulated you on coming up with such a brilliant idea for the children and school alike. You thanked him “I do think it’s a wonderful idea. A festival, of sorts, run by the students. But I don’t think it would be a good idea to do it any time soon? With the winter weather just beginning I think it would make a lot of aspects very difficult to complete successfully. Maybe we should hold it off until the start of the next year? We can do a lot of the planning and preparation this year and then have a Fall themed festival at the start of next year. What do you think? Do you think the parents would be alright with that?” Dumbledore gave you a very fatherly smile and didn’t answer for a moment. McGonagall came up next to him and placed a hand on your shoulder. “I think that after the wonderful display of level-headedness you showed, the parents will more than likely be happy to wait and do what is best for the children.” You gave McGonagall a grateful smile and let out another breath of relief.

McGonagall and Snape were the last ones to walk out Dumbledore’s office and leaving just you and the headmaster alone. “So, Ms. Y/L/N, you’re a little over halfway through the semester now. How are you liking it here at Hogwarts?” 

You turned to the older man and gave him the most amused look. “How could I complain? Like I said earlier! It’s an absolute dream to be here! I’m loving every single second of it.”

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled, as they always did, “I’m so glad to hear it! You are an absolute joy to have here in our humble abode. I have a question to ask you, though, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Of course, Headmaster! Ask away!” You said with an air of confused interest. 

He turned away from you and walked up the stairs to the right of his desk to give Fawkes a pat on the head. He seemed like you did just a few moments ago during the meeting. Seemingly knowing what he wanted to say, but not exactly sure how to deliver his question. Then he finally spoke “What do you think of Severus?”

Your body immediately went hot. Your face twisted into an utterly confused expression and your eyes grew wider. What kind of question is that? You tried to compose yourself and stand back up straight. You would’ve expected anything else except that! Even a question about Scarlett wouldn’t have caught you as off guard as this question did   
“Excuse me, sir? I don’t think I quite understand what you’re asking?”

“It is a fairly simple question, Y/N. What do you think of Severus as a person.” He turned his head around to see you and motioned for you to join him by his loyal companion. As you walked up the couple of steps to stand next to him you thought quickly about your feelings towards him. From a young age you always told yourself that you would lie as little as possible in your life. This didn’t feel like one of those extreme times when you should lie. “Well… I think… He’s alright.” You started. “I mean, he’s a bit irritating and kind of hard to get to know. He kind of makes me feel stupid when we do actually have a real conversation. Sometimes I think he’s pretentious in his own weird way and he scares most of the children with all of that ugly scowling and rudeness… But… He’s not all bad, I suppose. He’s helped me out when I’ve really needed it; and he’s got a weird way of showing kindness… but I think he truly does care about people. I think the reason he keeps people at a distance might be for a specific reason. I mean, of course, everybody has a reason for keeping people away, but I think that he lost somebody and he’s afraid to let anyone else back in due to fear. I guess I can understand that… When I lost my sister not to long after we lost our parents, I pretty much did the same thing.”

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows at you, looked at Fawkes (and they definitely shared a serious moment), and then both of them looked amusedly back at you. “What?” You asked. 

“Well… I was just looking for a ‘He’s a jerk’ or maybe an ‘I’m indifferent towards him, why do you ask’ sort of answer.” The elder man snickered as your eyes grew wide again. “I can tell that you are quite fond of Severus as a very good friend. But, I must warn you that teacher relationships, while not forbidden, are looked down upon highly by the parents of the students. Rich and poor alike.” 

“Whoa!” you exclaimed, “Dumbledore… I don’t know what you’re talking about… I… I am not looking for a relationship with anybody! Let alone Severus Snape. He’s rude and disdainful! At one point, yes, I was trying to be friends with him and I may have even had a little crush… But! I was never going to try anything like that. I simply thought it might be nice to help someone else open up a bit too. But I’ve given up on that. I told him today, as a matter of fact, that I wasn’t going to keep wasting my time on somebody who doesn’t care.”

Dumbledore looked at you lazily for a moment before looking back at Fawkes “Huh.”

You pulled your head back a bit in surprise and shook it “… What, huh?” 

He looked back at you again nonchalantly and said, “Oh nothing…” then looking back at the Phoenix he finished “I was just wondering why he seemed so mopey before the meeting started this evening.”   
***************************************  
As you walked down the spiral staircase out of the headmaster’s office you couldn’t help but wonder what Dumbledore meant. You weren’t that into Snape to the point where other people were taking notice were you? You’d have to be more careful around him. Things can not get out of hand! You continued to walk down the hall when you started to hear faint voices. The closer you got to these voices, the more easily you could make them out. It sounded like Snape and Lucius Malfoy. They were talking to each other in a very weird way. It was a quiet conversation, but the tone of their voices made it obvious that they weren’t each other’s biggest fans. When you finally rounded the corner and saw them, they both had their wands out and pointed at the other. McGonagall was standing between them trying her hardest to push them apart. “Ugh… Male testosterone” you thought to yourself.

“Alright, girls!” you said, announcing your presence. All three looked at you in surprise. “Break it up! This is an institution for learning, and learning only, thank you very much!” At first you thought it had worked as the three of them just stared at you for a minute. Minerva had smiled a little when you called them both girls, but she didn’t have any time to laugh as both wizards started up again after recovering from your disturbance. “Alrighty then… aaaaand we’re intervening!” You walked up to the other witch and said calmly “I got one.” 

Minerva turned to face Snape and pushed him back with both hands as you took her previously held position. You copied her movements as you put your hands on Malfoy’s chest and began to push him back too. He called out to Snape that “this wasn’t over yet, and that he hadn’t heard the last of this matter”. You rolled your eyes and turned Malfoy down the opposite corridor away from where you had just come. You looked back quickly to affirm that Minerva had control of her situation with Snape and you were pleased to see that she (as always) was more than capable. Before disappearing around the corner, you stole a quick glace at Snape and found that his expression made you uneasy. He looked extremely worried. He stared back at you almost pleadingly and for once, you could actually SEE his expression! You didn’t have to look behind the mask because it was right there, written on his face. Pure and unadulterated concern. “Why don’t we go for a nice stroll in the clock tower courtyard to cool you off, huh?” You said to Malfoy trying to shake off that scary look you had just seen from Severus. 

Once you had finally gotten the man outside into the gently falling snow, his demeanor seemed to change. You sat down on the fountain and watched the tall wizard pace around for a little bit before saying anything. He looked calm earlier while he was talking to Snape, but now he looked nervous and on-edge. He went from left to right, left to right… five steps in between each forceful turn. “Is everything ok, Mr. Malfoy? Is there anything I can do to help you?” With this, he suddenly stopped and looked up at you as if he had just realized you were there. “I’m a really good listener if there’s anything you’d like to get off your chest.”

“Oh, um, no… no. I’m perfectly fine. Just thinking! I’m sure you understand how frustrating that man can be. He knows nothing!” Malfoy spit the last sentence out as if it meant something more than just a “he thinks he knows everything” kind of attitude. Based on how much you knew about psychology, you KNEW it meant something more. You also knew, however, that I wasn’t any of your business, so you decided not to ask again. “Why don’t you have a seat, sir?” Malfoy made his way over to you and sat down beside you. “It’s a pretty night, isn’t it?” You held out your hand to catch a few falling snow flakes. “It still gets to me every time I see it snow and people aren’t afraid to go out and actually live their lives in it! People in North Carolina, my home state, freak out at even the slightest chance that it might, possibly, maybe, probably, could have a light dusting… BUT they’re never sure!” You laughed out loud thinking about how ridiculous it is to use all those unassured words in one sentence, but it was true!

You closed your eye’s and breathed in the smell of fresh snow. You would’ve never believed anyone if you hadn’t experienced it for yourself… You can actually SMELL snow. Suddenly, your eye’s shot back open as you felt a hand swipe steadily from the top of your head, through your hair, down the back of your neck, between your shoulder blades, and finally coming to rest on your lower back. You jumped up from the spot where you were sitting and looked accusatorially at Lucius. His right hand was in the exact spot where you had just been sitting. He had that malicious smile playing around his lips again and all of the sudden you knew exactly why you were feeling uneasy early that evening when you had first met him. “Oh, don’t run away” the man said “I just wanted to touch that long and pretty hair you have… It’s incredibly soft. You must take excellent care of it.” Lucius stared at you intently, he looked you up and down again before trying to get you to come and sit back down next to him. 

“No thank you!” You exclaimed, “I’m perfectly happy right here.” You started to get a nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. Lucius stood up and began to walk towards you.   
“Please, Ms. Y/L/N, come sit back down. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” You backed away from him. Every step that he took towards you, you took a step back. “Ok, fine.” He said   
calmly. “Why don’t I be honest with you.” He took another step and you mimicked his movement in reverse. “You asked me if there was anything I’d like to get off my chest, and there is…” 

“I’m not quite sure I’d like to know the answer anymore…” you replied timidly as you tried to take another step back. Malfoy gave you another malicious smile and took another step forward. You tried to take another step back but bumped into something cold and hard. Turning your head slightly, you realized that you had backed into the castle. The blonde wizard then raised his hand and cast some sort of spell over the courtyard. There would be no leaving this area now. “You asked, and I would like to tell you and get off my chest what I’ve been having a very hard time with lately.” He drew even closer to you and grabbed your wrists, holding them to his chest and putting his face uncomfortably close to yours. “My wife is getting older now and she no longer likes to have fun anymore. But you… you’re young and you look like you could still have a good time.” He leaned his face down even further into the left side of your face and whispered, “And don’t worry, no one will be able to see us through the cloaking spell I just put up!”. 

Malfoy pushed his face down even further and began to kiss your neck. You became rigid and tears welled up in your eyes as you tried to pull away from him. It was no use as he was much stronger than you and had a tight hold on your wrists. “Don’t fight” he whispered. “I promise you’ll enjoy it.” The tears that had been collecting in your eyes finally began overflow on your now rosy cheeks. Although your body felt hot from the fear you were experiencing, it was still cold outside, and you didn’t have a jacket on. The man moved to the other side of your neck and began to kiss you more violently. You could feel him biting and eventually sucking a little bit… he was going to leave a bruise…   
Finally, he pulled away, and for a second you thought the nightmare was over. But Lucius seemed to have a different idea. He readjusted your wrists into one hand and used the other to grab your jaw and pull your head towards him. He moved quickly and tried to kiss your lips, but before he could get there, you jerked your head out of his hand and screamed “STOP!”. For half a second Lucius was caught off guard and the only sound you could here was the sound of your own scream ringing through the cool air. Malfoy quickly recovered, however, and used one of his legs to swipe yours out from under you. He let you fall, brutally, to the solid ground and then jumped on top of you. His mouth finally made contact with yours as he took ahold of both of your wrists again and held them above your head. 

Tears were streaming down your face now and you couldn’t stop them from coming. You were terrified and didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t calm down enough to use that smart brain of yours to logically think of a way out of this horrible situation. You even for a long while forgot that you were an extremely accomplished witch. You had the power to actually defeat this man and get out of there. But you had never been so terrified in your entire life. You had heard the phrase “frozen in fear” many times throughout the span of your short life… But, you had only felt this fear one other time in your life before. The day that Scarlett was murdered…

Lost in your thoughts, as you were (you were trying anything and everything to block out what was happening to you), you felt a freezing cold hand lifting up your shirt. You then realized that both of your wrists were back in the firm grasp of Malfoy’s left hand. His right hand, now free to do as it pleased, moved up and down your side. You squirmed uncomfortably and began to finally have an all-out panic attack as his hand began to untie the black jogger pants you were wearing. You tried to scream again but he shoved his lips against yours again and silenced you. He pulled away again, only for a second, and said “try to scream again and see what happens.” No longer did his voice seem like he was still trying to keep you calm. He sounded territorial. Like you were HIS and he was going to do with you what-so-ever he pleased. 

Again, Lucius started whispering to you. He complimented your body and how it was smooth and shapely. He ran his hand back though your hair and told you how much he loved how soft it was. He kept going… on and on for what felt like forever, talking about your lips, your skin, your eye’s, your American accent…

When you began to hyperventilate was when he began to slide his fingers into the waistband of your joggers. You felt like you were about to pass out when all of the sudden a huge bright light blinded you from behind Lucius. In less than a second, the bright light was gone and was replaced by a little girl. It was Scarlett!! You were about to scream her name when she held up her hand… “Don’t speak,” she said with the soft sweet voice that she had gotten from our mother. “I can only hold this time for a moment.” You looked back and noticed that the man on top of you had stopped moving… You began to look around him and noticed that the snow that had been falling was frozen in place too. Scarlett began again “Y/N! We don’t have much time! I need you to listen to me! No one is coming to save you big sis! It’s just you! I know that you’re stronger than this! I know that you’re a fighter. Don’t you dare let this man take advantage of you! Show him whose boss just like you have in the past to the creeps that used to try things with us!”   
Your tears had started to fall more steadily now, and you had begun to calm down. Seeing your little sister was absolutely unreal… and you knew that, because she was dead… but, she was still absolutely right! Why were you just lying there and taking this! “I’ve got to go now sissy! Just remember what you always used to tell me! You can’t win a competition that you never competed in!” Tears began to fall faster again as the vision of your little sister began to fade! “NO! No no no no! Scarlett don’t leave me again! I can’t lose you again!” Even on her fleeting face you saw her give you a crooked little smile “We’ll see each other again someday Y/N, I promise! I love you!” You smiled back at her “I love you too, nugget!”

And with that she was gone. After this strange event you finally felt level headed again and calm. Time began again, and you could feel the cold snowflakes hitting your cheeks. Lucius was still moving his hand lower and you suddenly sprang to life. You didn’t scream again. There were too many children on school grounds and you didn’t want them to hear it and get scared. You were sure that the cloaking spell only concealed what was really there and didn’t cancel sound to the outside world. You decided to put all of your strength into jerking your left arm out of the grip of Malfoy’s left hand. You accomplished this much more quickly and affectively now that you weren’t crying hysterically. Lucius was surprised by this motion but quickly took his right hand from its previous position to now secure your left arm. You smiled confidently, as this was the reaction you were hoping for. You lifted your right knee from out between his legs and brought it up to your chest, then you let it go at the fastest speed you could muster, right into his groin.

The wizard let out a blood curdling cry of pain and released you. Quickly, you scrambled to your feet and waved your had to disarm the cloaking spell. Before you took off down the hall you turned and said “I hope you don’t mind never stepping foot on this school grounds again! Because, after I’m through… You’ll never be respected OR trusted again!” Through the pain, Lucius looked up, smiling evilly at you. “I dare you… I dare you to say something to anyone! No one is going to believe you! I’ve been a prominent member of Hogwarts for years! And you…” he winced “You’ve only been here for less than a semester AND you yelled at the parents of all the students tonight… Let’s see who they believe.”

You shook your head at him and turned away quickly so he wouldn’t see the tears that came back to your eyes. You knew he was right… No one was going to believe you. So, you took off down the hall running at full speed and not able to see through the tears that had come full force again. You looked up at the last minute before you saw a man jogging in your direction. Trying to put on the brakes, you realized it was too late, and you ran full speed into Severus. He immediately reached down and pulled you to your feet “Are you ok?! I heard you scream!” He had noticed your crying and you knew that he wasn’t asking because of your collision. “NO!” You answered him quickly without thinking. You grabbed his forearms to stabilize yourself while your whole body shook from the force of your crying. In that moment you felt like such a fool to be crying in front of Severus and also in the middle of the hallway where just any student could see you carrying on. But you also didn’t care. The trauma of what just happened was not going to go away for a while.   
Severus pulled you in slowly and carefully (probably so he didn’t startle you) until you were pressed against his body. He shook you off of his forearms and wrapped his arms around you. You threw your arms around him too and cried even harder (if that was even possible). “It’s ok… It’s ok…” Severus tried to console you, but it was the absolute worst thing you’d ever heard! You wanted to laugh, but your grief overwhelmed you at the moment. “Can you tell me what happened?” he asked. You shook your head vigorously and held on even tighter to him. As you had finally begun to relax your body again a voice from behind made you go rigid once more. 

“Oh, there you are Ms. Y/L/N!” Lucius… you stopped breathing, buried your face into Severus’ chest, and grabbed the back of his cloak with your fingernails. You heard the blonde wizard coming closer to you and the wizard whom you had deemed as your savior in that moment. Severus stepped to the left pulling you with him as he stepped out of the way of Malfoy. Before he walked past, however, Lucius stopped, ran his hand down the back of your head again and said “I see why you were refusing me now. You’d rather have this week sellout!” He laughed as he started to walk away and as you began to hyperventilate from his touch. 

Severus tried to step away from you to follow Lucius. For once, you could hear the huffing in his breathing, which normally means people are pretty pissed! However, you wouldn’t let him leave. Between your frantic breaths you managed to get out “Please… Severus… please… don’t leave… me …please…” And he stayed. You finally grew weak again and the little bit of courage you had earlier was completely gone. Your legs gave out from under you and you crumpled to the floor. Severus fell to the floor with you and continued to try and comfort you (terribly). He pulled you to the closest wall and sat with his back against it. There was a bench to his right. He pulled you towards him and let you lean your back against the bench and rest your head on his shoulder. As he readjusted himself, he pushed your hair off your shoulders and to your back, so it wasn’t in your face. “Y/N… Are those bruises on your neck?! Did he do that to you? He… he hurt you…”


	19. My Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we want a Christmas episode?

“Y/N… We need to get you to your room before anyone see’s us like this.” Severus said gently. “The parents are all still here in the great hall.” You had finally calmed down a bit, although your body was still shaking from the cold and from fear. “Ok” you said quietly. 

Severus stood up and helped you to your feet. You wobbled for a minute like a newborn giraffe before you found your balance. At this point though, you didn’t care how stupid you looked. You didn’t care that you had just told this man off earlier in the day. And you definitely didn’t care if people had seen you sitting with him in such a suggestive manor. The only thing you cared about was that he was there, and he was helping you… again… when you were in the need of it the most! Severus turned around and began to walk in the direction of your room. You watched him walking away and your body seemed to freeze in its spot. You were still so scared after what had happened. After the man walked a couple of steps away he looked to his left and then to his right and then turned around once he realized that you weren’t following him. “What’s wrong, Y/N?” You didn’t answer him. You felt like you couldn’t. He walked back to you and stood in front of you without saying a word. You felt like such an idiot for letting yourself be so scared by a situation that you probably could’ve otherwise controlled. Maybe, if you had been prepared for it, it wouldn’t have caught you off guard and you could’ve gotten out of there faster. Then you wouldn’t have run into Severus and you wouldn’t be wasting his time. You were sure he probably had better things to do! And besides you thought you were better than this and…. 

“Y/N…” Severus voice was still low and gentle. For a moment you even allowed yourself to believe there was a touch of fondness in it. You flung your arms around him again. “I’m sorry” you said to him. He placed his arms around you slowly, “There is no need for an apology… But, really, we should be going.” You let go of him and he quickly did the same. You nodded, and he turned to leave again. It was at this moment you realized something. You couldn’t do it without him. You needed his help, just as much as you believed that he needed yours. You thought that you had healed from all that had happened to you in your life, but you were wrong. Now, throw this on top of that already huge pile… Severus may not be the warmest person. But, he’s there when you need him! 

Before he got too far away, you reached out and grabbed his left hand. You pulled yourself in next to him and wrapped your opposite hand around his arm. He seemed extremely uncomfortable with this, but you thought he must’ve seen how much you needed the comfort and didn’t say anything. He led you back to your room and opened the door. Smokey was laying on your favorite pillow at the head of your bed. When she heard the door open she instantly leaped off the bed and came running over to you. You let go of Severus’ hand and snatched your little cat up off the floor. You buried your face into her soft fur and the calmness of this little being made you begin to cry again. Severus sprang to life and began to help you once more. He pushed you into your room a little bit, just enough to close the door behind you. Then he took your arm carefully and brought you over to your bed. He pushed your extremely confused cat away from your tear-stricken face and got you to let go of her. Smokey dropped to the floor and began to frantically clean the tears off her side. She obviously didn’t care much to be used as a handkerchief… which was fair enough. 

“Why don’t you lay down?” Severus suggested. You did so, and he pulled your covers over you. “I will be back.” He began to exit your room and your heart sunk. “Wait! Where are you going?!” You sounded so desperate and it hurt your heart to hear yourself so broken again. You weren’t sure why you were so surprised though. Every time something bad happened you were left alone to deal with it. 

“I’m just going to the Great Hall to get us some tea. It would also be beneficial for you to eat something. I’ll be right back.” He said it in his normal tone, but this time it was so comforting to you. You believed him. 

“You promise?” you said childishly. 

He looked at you with an air of pity and then straightened up and responded “I do. Absolutely.”

With that, he exited the room and you jumped out of bed to lock the door behind him. Then you ran over to your nightstand to grab your wand just in case Lucius tried to come back for more. Even though you were sure he didn’t know where your room was, you were certain he knew the castle like the back of his hand. If he was still in Hogwarts, he would have no trouble finding you. You lay down on your bed and pulled the covers back up to your chin. Smokey sprung up effortlessly and flopped down next to you. “You can tell how anxious I am right now, can’t you?” you said to her. She ignored your words and began cleaning herself again.

Although Severus had only been gone for a few minutes, it felt like forever, and after the trauma you had just went through, it was hard for you to not be exhausted. You decided to close your eyes for just a minute or two while you waited for him to return…

*********************************************

Severus’ POV

Steaming. Severus honestly couldn’t remember a time when he was more genuinely livid than he was right now. He walked away from her towards her door with the mindset of going to teach Malfoy a lesson. "“Wait! Where are you going?!” she cried behind him? He turned around to see her propped up on her elbow. The look on her pale face said it all. Whatever Lucius had put her through, it really messed with her. She was terrified, and his heart felt like it was breaking for her. “How could someone ever want to hurt her?” he thought to himself. Her hair was messed up and a bit damp. It looked like there were flecks of dirt or mud in her normally perfect tresses. At some point Lucius must’ve had her on the ground. 

“I’m just going to the Great Hall to get us some tea. It would also be beneficial for you to eat something. I’ll be right back.” At first he was only saying this to appease her, but as soon as it came out of his mouth, he felt like he could do nothing else. She needed help, and as annoying as he sometimes found her, he enjoyed her presence. He also oddly missed the attention that she used to give him at the beginning of the semester. He knew he should’ve gone to see her while she was in the hospital wing. He just didn’t want to seem weak and prove to everyone that he had a heart. Because to him he didn’t. He did at one point, and then when Lily was killed he told himself that feeling wasn’t an option. However, this girl had changed all that. He tried to keep her away, but she kept worming her way into his thoughts… At first he thought she was using legilimency on him. He realized much later though, that it was only his imagination. He thought about her more than he thought about anything else this semester. He thought about where she was and what she was doing during the day. He thought about how kind she was to him… for the most part. He thought about the way the students seemed to flock to her and how she loved each and every one of them. He thought about how laid back she was and how freely she spoke her mind. Once he even caught himself wondering if she was having a good weekend.

“You promise?” she asked rather childishly. 

“I do. Absolutely.” How could he have responded anything else when she needed him. 

Closing the door behind him, Severus made his way to the Great Hall for some tea and food. He glided along through corridors completely lost in thought and ignoring the students and few parents that were leaving. Once he finally made it to the great hall he walked right up to the front and sat down next to Minerva at the head table. 

“Oh! There you are, Severus! Where did you run off to?” Minerva asked him. 

“Ms. Y/L/N was in need of some assistance.” Severus responded plainly. 

Minerva raised her eyebrows at him, “Well?” She said.

“Well, what?” He said.

“Well where is she? I’m sure she’s starving! You know she always is!” Minerva was stating the obvious and Severus felt bad for sitting down to grab something quick for himself. 

“She’s feeling ill. I told her I would bring her something.” He tried to make his answers short as he was actually in a hurry to get back to her. 

“Oh my!” The older witch exclaimed, “If she’s not feeling well maybe I should go see her! Or send Madam Pomfrey down!

Severus forgot about the relationship that had grown between Minerva and Y/N throughout the past few weeks. He was pretty sure that Y/N had lost her parents and Minerva had taken up the very kind position of being her mentor. It eventually turned into a more mother/daughter kind of relationship and they were both very fond of each other. As much as Severus could understand the other professor’s concern, he really wanted to be the one who was helping Y/N. He felt that in a way, she had been helping him. After all, he spent much less time now thinking about Lily and dwelling on what could have been. Although, he would never forget her, he hoped that he could at least learn to move past it finally. 

“No,” Severus said calmly, he didn’t want to seem to anxious about the situation. “I can take care of it. Thank you.” 

Minerva smiled at him and turned her head back to face her plate. She looked giddy for a second and he was unsure why. She looked back at him, “She loves sweets.” 

“I am aware.” He said.

Her smile grew even larger this time. “I’m just surprise that you noticed.”

Severus ate the rest of his meal in silence and then employed the help of a house elf to carry the tea back to Y/N’s room. On his way back, he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. When he looked to see what it was, he immediately found the source. Lucius and Draco Malfoy were standing at the entrance of the Great Hall. It looked like he was bidding his son a good bye. Once Severus had seen him, his anger returned. Quickly he whipped around and shoved the food onto the tray that the house elf was holding. “I’ll be back.” he said through his teeth.

He went swiftly to the place where the Malfoy’s stood and once he reached them he stopped. “What am I even going to do to him?” he thought to himself. Lucius looked up from his son and noticed that Severus was standing there. 

“Well hello, my friend!” He said jovially.

“We are not friends…” Severus didn’t let his true emotion show, as usual. But he gave Lucius a look that couldn’t be mistaken. “Why don’t you and I go have a talk?” 

“Oh no no! I must be leaving here now! I’m already late! My wife is going to be very upset with me for not coming home exactly on time.” Lucius held out his hand to shake Severus’. When Snape refused, Malfoy shrugged at him obviously unhurt by his rude display. Lucius patted his son on the head and sent him off towards his house table. As soon as Draco was out of earshot, Lucius leaned in closer to Severus “Besides, who knows what lies your little girlfriend has told you. I can’t be alone with you when you’re obviously so angry.” He smiled evilly at Severus and turned to leave. Severus followed him out of the Great Hall, “I saw the bruises on her neck, Lucius!” called after him. 

Lucius whipped around. “You just try to prove that I did anything! I dare you!” He spat, “I promise you that it will be the last thing you ever do! Then when you’re gone… She’ll be next!”

Severus watched Lucius leave and it took everything in him not to go after the bastard or just use avada kedavra on him while his back was turned. Finally, Severus hurried back to Y/N’s room, he knocked on the door and waited, but there was no answer. He tried again, but there was still no answer. He tried to crack her door open but it was locked and alohomora wasn’t working. He was about to give up when he noticed a small door on the bottom of her regular door. It was a cat door! 

“Go through that door there and unlock the bigger one.” He said to the house elf. The house elf took a bow and then handed the tray of food and tea to Severus. The little elf ducked down and easily fit through the smaller door. Severus heard a click and the door then opened. The house elf took his leave and the tall wizard entered the woman’s room. He closed the door carefully with his foot, placed the tray on her makeup desk, and walked over to her bed.

She was sound asleep. The poor girl had obviously been through a lot tonight. He grabbed the seat that she had pushed into her desk and placed it beside her bed. He sat there for awhile petting her cat, Smokey. Then he got up and began to walk around her room. He admired the Victorian style curtains that she had hung along the many windows in her room. It made everything look a little more elegant. He pulled back a part of one of the curtains and looked out at the snow covering the school grounds. Then he pulled them back into place and noticed a picture frame sitting on her night stand. He moved soundlessly to the opposite side of her bed and picked it up. In the frame were two people… One was Y/N. She was younger and easily just as beautiful. The young girl next to her was also very pretty. She had brown hair, like Y/N, but it seemed to have a noticeable undertone of scarlet. The two were playing a piano and they were both smiling and laughing. Y/N’s hair was shorter, and Severus couldn’t help but wonder if she just looked good in every hairstyle? 

The man put the picture back on her nightstand and sat back down in the chair. He guessed that the other girl in the picture must have been Y/N’s little sister. He wondered what happened to her? Maybe one day, he though to himself, she’d tell him. He looked towards her sleeping face and for a moment he just watched her. Even when she didn’t have her bright smile painted on her face, and even when her cheeks were tear stained, she still looked pretty. “It must be nice to be young AND beautiful, isn’t it? He said to Smokey who had been sitting in front of him and waiting to be pet. She meowed, and he assumed she was agreeing. 

A piece of hair had fallen into Y/N’s face and he had left it there for a long while, but every couple of minutes it would agitate her nose and her face would twitch. He needed to stop her from doing that because it kept making him almost smile. He stood up and reached over her cat to brush the hair away from her face. Her face twitched one last time as the hair was pulled out of place and then she was fine. Severus sat back down and procured a book. 

After what seemed like an hour or two later, Y/N’s body began to move slowly. The man looked up from his book and watched her. At first he thought that she was just waking up. But, as her movements became more sporadic and her face began to scrunch, he realized that she was having a nightmare. She looked like she was trying to force herself to wake up and just couldn’t quite do it by herself. Severus placed his book on her nightstand and stood. He leaned over Smokey again and placed his hand softly down on Y/N’s shoulder. He tried to shake her a little, but it didn’t work. So, he tried to call her name while shaking her and this time she jumped so high it almost scared Severus, himself. She shot her eyes open and her body stopped convulsing. Once she laid eyes on Severus and noticed his hand was on her she flipped out again. 

“Get off me!” she screamed, “Get away, don’t touch me!!!” 

Severus was sure that this was a side effect of the mix of her trauma and the nightmare together, but it still kind of hurt him to see how genuinely terrified of him she was. She continued to scream and swat him away. 

“It’s me!” Severus tried to calm her down, “Shhh… Stop screaming! You’re going to scare the students! Y/N! It’s me! Severus! Please calm down!” 

Once she had heard the name Severus she stopped screaming and lowered the blankets that she was using as a shield. She let out the breath that she had been apparently holding for a moment or two. “Oh my gosh… Sev… You scared hell out of me!”

That’s the second time she had called him that. He shook his head and pushed Lily’s face out of his arising thoughts for the moment. His, friend, needed him more than her memories did right now. He held out his hand, with his palm facing her. “I’m sorry to have frightened you.” She lunged forward and grabbed his hand. She pulled him towards her bed and hugged him tightly. 

“Oh, Severus, you have no idea how glad I am that you’re here right now.” She squeezed him a little and nuzzled her head into his neck. He hugged her back, but definitely no where near as tight as she was holding him. Her knees where on the edge of her bed and you could feel her slipping. He let go of her and gently pulled her off of him and sat her back down on her bed. 

“I brought you some food.” Severus started. “But, its probably all cold now. There’s also some tea. We can easily warm that up though, if you’d like some.” Her body was shaking a little and Severus was wondering if it was because she was cold or still scared. She tried to hide it by pulling her blankets over her and giving him one of her adorable toothy smiles. “Yes, please, I think that’ll be good for me right now.”

As Severus began to prepare and warm the tea, his curiosity and worry for her got the best of him. “So, since we’re friends, and I’m no longer going to deny you and your existence… Will you tell me what happened?” Y/N was silent at first. She didn’t speak again until he sat back down next to her bed on the chair and handed her the mug of tea. He didn’t want to ask twice, and he was about to let it go when she spoke again. 

“You won’t tell anyone… right?” She said quietly. 

“I won’t tell a single soul.” Severus looked into her big brown eyes and could see the years of pain that were nestled in them. He wished that he could take it away for her and make everything better. But, for now, the only thing he could do is listen. And that’s what he did. 

She told him second for second. How he took advantage of her. How she felt powerless. How she got away from him and ran until she found him. She even told him how she had seen a vision of her sister. “You think I’m crazy don’t you?” She asked him.

“Why would I think that?” Severus asked in a plain voice. He wasn’t trying to sound uncaring, but after sounding like this for most of his life, he wasn’t sure how to sound any other way. 

“Because… I saw a VISION of my DEAD sister. That doesn’t sound like I went a little crazy?” She looked at him and tears welled up in her eyes. “I mean, I can’t say I wasn’t happy to see her. I miss her like crazy. She was the love of my life. I don’t think I will ever love anything more than I loved my little sister. I wanted to be the best example for her and instead I failed her. It should have been me. She shouldn’t have to be the one appearing to me and reminding me to be strong. Of course, I would never want her to be sexually assaulted either… Her life was cut too short, Sev. Did I ever tell you how she died?”

Severus looked longingly at her. He wished that he was stronger too. Every part of him wanted to be there for her. But he was also jealous of her. He missed Lily. He almost felt like he would do anything to see of vision of her at least once. But he looked at the ground and shook his head, no. 

“She was murdered… and it was my fault…” The tears came again to Y/N’s eyes and they ran down her cheeks. “If I wasn’t so stupid, I could’ve seen it coming and even stopped it!   
The man stood up from his chair and sat on the younger witch’s bed. He placed himself right beside her… Took the deepest breath he possibly could and said something he’d been wanting to share with Y/N since the day he realized that he DID actually want her around. 

“I lost the love of my life too. Maybe… Maybe it’s time for us to each get some weight off of our shoulders…” Severus looked at her. She looked extremely surprised that he had finally opened up to her. But, then she smiled at him again. Severus noticed that he was changing a bit. He noticed that every time he was around this young woman he felt… happy… Her smiles made him weak. And her voice gave him chills. For now, he was going to hide it until he could be sure…

“I’ll start… If it makes it easier on you.” She said. Severus nodded at her, and she began her story…


End file.
